This isn’t a topic I really *wanted* to write about… but yet I find myself doing it. So I’m limiting myself to 5 minutes. 5 minutes of trying to get these feelings out and trying to figure out how I can overcome these feelings. I’m just hoping that 5 minutes will be able help me heal just a little bit.
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All I’ve wanted in my life is to be wanted. To be somewhere that SOMEONE wants me to be close, someone somewhere wants me to be with them. That I am worthy of being there. That I am somehow needed to be in that place for a reason.
But yet, over and over in my life… whenever I’ve wished most that I could be needed, wanted… whatever… I’ve found that I’m rejected.
Maybe it’s just my expectation of what I think should be in my life just isn’t ever the case.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m ever so grateful for a family that loves and cares about me (and feeling this even more so in the last few months) and I’m blessed with blog friends from all over the globe that have supported me in a struggle and I can’t even begin to thank each one of them for this.
But yet, over and over… there are times that I feel that sting of rejection.
The times that I liked the boy and he didn’t want anything to do with me.
The (multiple) times that I had friends tell me they didn’t want anything to do with me. Both in high school and after college.
The times where I told myself that I couldn’t cut it.
And now there’s stuff happening where I’m left in limbo of being not sure if I’m wanted again.
And in the end, I know that each of these events is a trigger that something needs to change.
But with this most recent one, I just don’t know what exactly that change is yet.
Hopefully soon I will.
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Like any issue in life, the solutions come in due time, but never in the time we want them to. It requires patience and faith, and sometimes it’s just hard to muster up one more ounce of it. Hang in there, sweetie! It will all work out in the end. You know that.
Thank you. I just would love to see something somewhere where I am not “rejected”… you know?!
I was just having this conversation with my sister. She is going through a hard time, a break up, and feels like she always loses things/people/whatever. My advice to her, is that’s life! I mean that in a gentle way. Just keep living, we have all been there and felt that way. This too shall pass!
Laine Griffin recently posted..Wormholes or black holes – who knows, who cares, it’s Sunday
You are so right… it is life. People leave, and many times someone gets hurt. It’s just that sometimes I wish there would be a time where someone wouldn’t leave… you know?! (And yes, I know… that’ll never be the case.)
I get it. I so do. All I can say is…it’ll happen. Keep the faith.
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms
I’m trying to keep that faith. Thank you. <3
When you’re right smack in the middle of things, you can only see what’s right in front of you. It’s hard and it’s really frustrating because you can’t see how it’s all going to turn out. But that’s the mystery of life you have to learn to appreciate. Each day brings us something new.
Fadra recently posted..I’m a TWIN!