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Category Archives: weight loss

Where have I gone…

Written on March 2, 2011

It’s been another week away from my blog. I haven’t intended to leave, but it – I guess – was necessary. I’ve been sick again… another cold {or so the doctor says}… and just have no energy to do anything. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to get on top of it all this year.

Or am I just hiding from the truth of the matter?

In the past year, I’ve “let myself go” (so to speak) and have gained 1/3 of the weight I lost back. I’ve gotten back into the habit of not eating well… and not exercising enough. I see myself now going “out to eat” (fast food or otherwise) at least once each day… if not more.

I also see myself differently in the things that I do. How I act. The way I see myself… and treat myself on the inside. Negativity and pessimism have been ruling my thoughts.

Could it be true that you are what you eat? Because then right about now I’d call myself shit.

After being a weight loss success story, I said that I wasn’t going to be one of the people that gained the weight back. I wasn’t going to be the person that stopped going to my Weight Watchers meetings and lost sight of my achievements. I wasn’t going to be the person that beat herself up every other minute of the day…

All of this needs to stop.

I need to get control back. I need to be treating myself with the respect that I want to receive from others. I need to be eating things that have the *right* to go into my body… and not this crap that I’ve been serving myself. And as much as it pains me to say it, I need to give up some sleep in order to workout for at least 30 minutes each morning before I head into the office.

Because doing this is the *only* way that I’m going to be able to find myself back again.

Yes, I know these could just be me writing the words on the page again… words that have no meaning until they are followed through upon. Words that I feel like I have written time and time before in the past six months and not once have I followed through.

But I need to act on something… or I’ll follow through with nothing.

And I can’t afford to not follow through on making the most of this life.

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life, weight loss

I have failed…

Written on January 17, 2011

This weekend I spent time working on many different things. But as you can see in my SOC Sunday post yesterday, I didn’t actually accomplish anything. But there are a couple of things I’d like to point out.

I am a failure.

Ok, not really in the overall sense of the word… but in this weekend. Not a single thing came together to help me accomplish the goals that I had set for myself. It was almost as if karma was working against me.

And sometimes, karma’s a bitch.

First… my house is still not clean.
I yearn for the day that I can have company and not feel like I’m hiding everything in the planet. I’ve been reading Julie Morganstern‘s website again… and goodness knows one of her books (that I own) will likely end up on the {soon to be released} list that I’m creating for my reads this year. I just have to get my “stuff” organized. I have to purge what I don’t need and live much more minimalistically.

Second… I attempted baking again.
All I wanted was a brownie. Then to take the rest to work. I knew it was risky. I knew I really shouldn’t make them lest I really stray from the Weight Watchers program. But I made them anyway. All was going well… took them out of the oven @ 33min (as the package said) and they weren’t quite done yet. I just knew it. So I put them in for a couple more minutes. And then got on twitter for an undetermined number of minutes. Yes. I lost track.

Brick o' brownie.

And now have been left with a brick of brownie (because I can’t cut them… and they came out of the pan seamlessly in one clump) that is now in the trash.

Finally… I didn’t workout at all and can honestly say I didn’t follow Weight Watchers plan. Again.
Not one little bit. I wanted to go to my Kick class yesterday morning, but overslept so I abandoned the idea altogether. Part of the laziness of the day. In fact I think I can say that I didn’t do much of anything on Saturday… except watch a movie (Easy A). Then Sunday, I finally got a little motivated. I got 2 blog posts written (I know… crazy!) and when I looked at the clock, well… the Aqua Fit class I was going to try out was well on it way to being over. Sadness.

Related to this, I haven’t really been doing well with transitioning over to the new Weight Watcher’s points plus program. I have my login info and have been looking up some items – but not tracking well at all. I’ve really got to start getting used to this once again. I just can’t figure out what’s stopping me. Outside of the appealing nature of the fast food restaurants I’ve been visiting. {Shoot me now.}

And one last final note in this related field. I’ve been named a Blissdom-Candy Goddess as of last night.

Can’t say that’ll be good for my Weight Watcher’s plan.

Guess I’m starting up on February 1 again.

Well, at least I have a plan.

So that means I didn’t fail at everything… right?!

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Random, weight loss

Seeing myself in the mirror…

Written on November 15, 2010

I saw myself.

I REALLY saw myself.

I look fat.

I feel fat.

I hate this feeling. I hate being so tired. I hate having no motivation. I hate seeing my clothes not fit the way that I want, er… need them too. I hate

And I wanted to cry. Cry tears that would not stop… because as I said last week, I’ve gained some of the weight back. I can no longer say that I’m maintaining a 160 pound weight loss. I can no longer say that I’m half the size I used to be.

But I want to change. I want to be back there so badly. I want to be back in the shape I was when I was working out one-on-one with my personal trainer. I want to not have to pay to go to my Weight Watcher’s meetings.

So with that, I committing to running the Riverbank 25k next year.

Yes, I know I committed to it last year and then chickened out. But this year will be different. I’m starting my running regimen 2 months earlier than I did last year. And I’ll need every minute of that 2 month advance if I’m going to lose this weight at the same time.

Because if I don’t lose some of this weight again… I’m really afraid that I won’t see myself the way I should.

I want to see myself as beautiful. I want others to see me as beautiful.

And right now that just isn’t happening.

I have friends that tell me that I am… and I truly *want* to believe them. I truly *want* to see it in myself.

But maybe if I can do this one thing – lose the weight again and run the 25k – that maybe I can will see it in myself once and for all. Because I really want to.

How do you see yourself?

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running, weight loss

The Weight Related Television Debate…

Written on October 28, 2010

Rarely does a television show get me angry. Usually I stop watching well before that point happens. I choose not to like the show and let it die it’s {usually} very timely death.

But then came the show “Mike & Molly” which stars one of my favorite actresses – Melissa McCarthy. I fell in love with her as I watched (and to be honest, still watch on DVD) “Gilmore Girls”… I was thrilled to see her recently in “Life as we know it.” However, the depiction of her (as well as Billy Gardell’s) character by the writers of “Mike & Molly” really makes me angry. (And yes, for some reason I keep watching the show via my Tivo.)

The show is poorly written and makes horrible jokes about fat people. Actually it makes jokes about every stereotype that the writers can dream up for any and all of the characters. It is not real.

I believe the writers in this show (as probably most writers in Hollywood do) think this is how the world really acts and talks to fat people. That this is something that is normal and how fat people should be treated. With the jokes and comments that surround these characters each week on the show… in the weight loss world, they are facing a seriously uphill battle.

And Marie Claire freelance writer, Maura Kelly, earlier this week added fuel to the fire about this show by raising the issue of not wanting to see overweight people kissing… or even walking across the room.

A lot of this really has me saddened about how the media really views people that have greater girth. As someone that has achieved a substantial weight loss… I knew that when I was 300+ pounds, I didn’t look my best – in fact I wanted to hide from people. There is no way that I would have been able to achieve ANY weight loss with those people surrounding me if I had been subject to any amount of teasing or joking.

But because of a great support system around me, I was able to achieve the weight loss. Many of these friends and family that still stand by me today and continually tell me that they are proud of me… and to keep inspiring others by sharing my story.

Tearing people down is not the answer in any situation… but especially not when someone is trying to achieve a goal – whether weight loss related or otherwise.

As a side note: Maura Kelly – in her “update” to her article after it was published – said that she didn’t intend to hurt anyone by her words… and that her feelings likely were a result of the weight issues (anorexia) she has battled in her past.

What we need to remember in all of this is that no one is perfect. No matter our size.

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weight loss