Welcome!

My best friends from SITS have arrived! In case you didn’t know… I do talk about you all the time. I like to read your blogs and LOVE chatting with many of you on twitter. Seriously. I’m a twitter-a-holic. I’m afraid there might be an intervention from my family soon. But I digress…

Some of you visiting today may not be aware of the great online blogging community known as SITS (aka Secret in the Sauce.) Many bloggers come together daily and leave comments on the blogs that others have written. Tiffany and Heather came up with this brilliant idea and have connected so many bloggers. I really can’t wait to meet them (and so many others) at Bloggy Boot Camp later this summer in San Francisco!

And today is my day!

YAY!!

So I’m going to take a random guess and say that you want to know a little bit more about me and why I write…

First I better say that I’m not from The Netherlands. I’m from a small city called Holland that’s located on the shores of Lake Michigan. This is a beautiful little place in which some of my ancestors founded after leaving the Netherlands looking for a better life. And while many love it here, I would love to have an adventure in a much warmer state that doesn’t receive 100+ inches of {mostly lake-enhanced} snowfall each year.

I started out this blog talking about the struggles that I was having with my weight loss journey – because as so many know, it is not an easy journey. But with the help and support of my family, friends and online community, I achieved my weight goal about 18 months ago after losing more than 150 pounds.

For one day I was a celebrity when I was featured on The Rachael Ray Show last October. I had a fabulous time in New York and wrote about the whole experience. There’s also a link so that you can watch my segment!

I still struggle with keeping the weight off but am trying to find adventure in all that I do. I – just this past week – created a new goal of doing 101 Things in 1001 Days so that I can make the most of these adventures… as well as provide myself some REALLY good blogging material!

Currently I’m on the search for “Mr. Right” and had quite an adventure meeting someone while on a roadtrip a while back. I’ve also tried the online dating thing… and found that you “meet” some interesting people that way.

It has been such a pleasure hosting each of you today – I hope you enjoyed reading some of the things that I’ve shared… and I hope that you come back and visit often. I love meeting new blog friends. And I truly can’t wait to visit each one of your blogs this week as I anticipate my next “Saturday Sevens” feature.

Thanks again for coming by… and have a blessed day everyone!

It only takes a moment.

A single thought.

A feeling really.

First of justification of the lifestyle I want to live.

Then of a fear that I will not continue to live the way I want.

Or maybe it’s a fear of failure.

But with all of this… the thoughts still resound within my head.

And I’m back into weight loss (rather than maintenance) mode.

The realization that my jeans may not sit on my hips the way I want.

The disappointment that I can’t wear my favorite ring because it’s just a little bit too tight.

Seeing myself drive through numerous fast food joints… because it’s easy.

And not going to the gym because I want to sleep in.

But this is over.

I am back on track.

Don’t forget to check out my giveaway
(FYI — open to US & Canada Residents only.)

First, I know that this was formerly called “Weight Watchers” Wednesday – but until the company sponsors me for the posts, I think I’m going stop promoting them so explicitly. Not to say that I won’t ever mention Weight Watchers… I will… but it’s because the company and their program has been such an integral part of the weight loss journey that I’ve been on. But that being said — I’d really love for them to sponsor me! (Hint, Hint…)

Second… before I forget… next week “Weight Loss Wednesday” will be back to it’s original state. And if you are interested… I may put up a linky for anyone else who wants to post about how your weight loss journey is going… what has affected you most… things you struggle with. Leave me a comment to let me know if you are interested! (I’ll figure out how it’s done if I have to cross that bridge!)

This past week has been filled with some crazy stuff. A coworker on vacation making my workdays less “normal” and filled with things that I don’t normally encounter. Not that it’s been bad, just different. I do however feel like some of my work projects that have been hanging around for a while are finally starting to clear up, and I might not be under a mountain (or what feels like a mountain right now). So with all of that around me, I’ve been lacking on my workouts and increasing on the food intake.
Before you start jumping into the comments… I am maintaining {a little above goal weight} right now… so all is good.
But Friday night didn’t start out particularly well. I’d had a hard day… and really just wanted to relax. So I got pizza… and well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. In fact, I was pretty ashamed of myself. For full disclosure… I will also say there was some chocolate involved too.

So picture it… me sitting, er… laying on my futon with my computer on my lap. My goal for the weekend was to be following 900 people in the hopes that some would reciprocate (I don’t expect it… well, unless it is #yotweeps time) and I would have 500 people following me. Yes, I realize it was probably a stupid goal, but I’m a dork… so humor me.


Sometime that evening I had a great conversation (twittervation?) with Stefany @ToBeThode (you can visit her blog here). Stefany is going through her weight loss journey currently and we’ve been tweeting about this recently. This is how our conversation started…

“I was talking about you yesterday. Were your ears burning? I was talking about my bad weigh-in weeks and how you told me that you had many ups and downs in your journey… that you are my true inspiration and I can only hope to be as successful as you have been.”

How sweet is that!?!?! I’m telling you the truth when I say that she brought me to tears that night.


Comments can be amazing. She completely turned my night around and actually probably brought me back from giving up for the month altogether. Sometimes the comments can be simple and encouraging to change your entire mindset.

“You look great” & “How much have you lost?” are a couple of good comments that I get frequently. But that’s understandable with my journey and how far I’ve come. I have a lot of people that don’t recognize me right away — and then are shocked at what I look like. I’m tell you, that’s as good as a really nice compliment. These looks, good comments/compliments really kept {and keep!} me going on the journey. They lift spirits, they can brighten a day and simply said, it brings a ray of hope back into your life if things have been going negatively.

Reversely… negative comments can start a tailspin that leave the weight loss journey in the dust. When I’m not eating right, I become a negative person about my losses… about the way I feel about myself… about the outlook of what I can do.

But it doesn’t compare to how comments from others can do the same thing. “Just one bite won’t hurt!” {oh yes, it will.} “But you’re so skinny”… or what I’ve been getting recently “You’re too thin”. These comments not only don’t help the person that is trying to change their habits. It really puts a sense of negativity in your head. And when it comes from people that care about you {and vice versa} it can give the sense that they don’t care — or that they don’t want what is in your best interest. That’s usually not the case, but I know what it feels like to have a “taste” of something… and then go home and binge for the afternoon because you just want more of it.

I never showed this side of myself to my family and friends. NEVER.

But that’s another blog post for another time.


What I guess I’m trying to say here (I think I sidetracked myself)… comments really can make your weight loss journey. Don’t do the journey alone… because there are a lot of people that want to support you and help you succeed. I am one of them. You just have to tell me what you are up to – connect with me on twitter or e-mail. I would love to be a support to you — not only with encouragement, but also to let you know that someone else has tread the waters… because there’s not much in this journey I haven’t experienced!
Now I want to know… are there comments that derail you? Comments that make you want to jump up and down? Things that others do that make you feel like you can conquer the world?


I hope so. Because of the amazing enouragements I’ve received throughout the years I wouldn’t be where I am… especially for many who are reading this. I know who you are — and I just want to say…

THANK YOU!

This past weekend, I participated in a writing workshop that in order to get to know the others in the group better the facilitator suggested we write about memories throughout the years. Because I liked this writing exercise, for Weight Watchers Wednesday post today I have decided to let you get to know the “old” me a little better.

I remember falling in love with chocolate… treats given by a doting grandmother for Halloween, Valentine’s Day and Easter. A little baggie filled with these goodies that sometimes never made it through the remainder of the week after receiving it.

I remember being a picky eater as a young child… not because I didn’t like the food but rather that I was scared to try something new, something with color, not knowing if I’d like it or if it would be bitter and “yucky”. This carried on through my adult years, so much so that I am still continually reminded to this day of the person I was by relatives – and now being afraid that they aren’t seeing the person that I am.

I remember as a middle school student staying home from school to eat… and remember eating only things that were in the “sweets” category. Then not wanting to go back to school for fear that I would be found out that I was a liar about my “illness” that I would try to stay home more days than really what was needed. I have to admit that I am so ashamed of recalling and writing this out now because I value education and the continual learning process throughout life.

I remember being in high school and eating the same lunch every day. Ham Sandwich on bun, chips, occationally applesauce or fruit cup and a Little Debbie pack of cakes or bars. Every day. I did this partly because I really, truly believed it was a “healthy” option – but probably more because I had control over what was there and I didn’t have to be ridiculed about what I was choosing… or not choosing… in the hot lunch line.

I remember the many days in college… going to the “fast food” place on campus or, after transferring colleges, using the fast food drive thru’s as my main source of nourishment. A burger and fries. Grilled cheese and fries. Anything and fries. (See a pattern here??) A neighbor recently told my parents that he doesn’t remember me getting out of my car in those days without some type of fast food bag and large drink in my hands.

I remember the first week of my Weight Watchers membership in 2002… when I counted the points for a typical lunch that I would have in the weeks prior, and finding that I ate more points in just that lunch hour than I even had allotted for myself in the entire day. The feeling was horrible. A pit in my stomach… and yet I didn’t truly change my ways until 5 years later.

I will remember more…

What do you remember????

Support comes in so many forms. A text message, a phone call, a hug, and well my personal favorite (and appropriate for today’s post) a good bra.

I haven’t really posted much about Breast Cancer Awareness recently — er, well… actually… since completing my 3-day walk in 2008. This cause is still so very near and dear to my heart. My grandmother passed away after battling the disease for years. My aunt will be going through chemo treatments for about another 6-8 weeks. And my mom is a survivor. And because of the Breast Cancer 3-day walk I did a couple of years ago, I know countless other survivors — and stories of others that have gone before.

Because of all of these things, I am an advocate — as much as I can be.

I know it’s not October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month) – but this is the season where the Susan G. Komen Foundation is just gearing up for their Race for the Cure & Breast Cancer 3-day events. These events raise millions of dollars toward funding programs and research aimed at eliminating this disease. That is surely something I would love to see one day soon. And I hope that day does come soon. Because I really don’t want to see statistics from the National Cancer Institute showing me statistics that approximately 194,000 NEW cases were diagnosed in 2009.

I just know that one of these cases is very close to me… and is now fighting to rid her body of any remnant of the disease.

But in the meantime, I want to encourage all of you to visit my friend Shannon and support her {financially if you are able} in her VERY FIRST 5k race. I am so happy and excited for her — and so glad that she is doing this to support such an awesome cause.

Shannon supported me in 3-day walk — so I’m hoping to return the favor here and with my own financial support. Her goal is to raise $125 — but I know how generous you all are {plus it’s tax deductible!} — so help me surpass her goal and really show her our bloggy support!

If you aren’t able to give financially — that’s ok! Go visit Shannon’s blog and leave her a comment, something I know all of us bloggers do very well! (But don’t forget to leave me a comment too!)

Last night I was working on a bio for my attendance at the Relevant Conference that I’ve recently signed up for. The conference is in October, but many of us that are going are very excited (trust me, you should see the twitter feed as we’ve been discussing the conference… and just remember it’s 8 months away.)

Anyway… I had to submit a picture along with my information… and I thought about trying to get one of the professional pictures I had done last year (wow, was it really a year ago?!?). BUT then tonight, in my pseudo laziness (more lazy than pseudo) I came up with the idea of editing one of my own photos and submitting that instead. Yes, self portrait. And I love it. If you haven’t figured it out yet, it is the picture to the left. What do you think?

So you are probably asking yourself, what in the world does this have to do with Weight Watcher’s Wednesday?? Yeah, I was kinda thinking that same thing as I was dreaming up this post in my mind. But then it hit me.

This really does epitomize part of what I have achieved. 4 years ago I couldn’t stand being in pictures, looking at pictures of myself or simply even walking past a mirror at times. I couldn’t stand looking at the person that wasn’t doing anything with her life and was ashamed of who she was. I did things to please others, instead of myself (something that I still fall prey to at times).

I didn’t believe I was beautiful. And because I didn’t believe that, I didn’t have confidence that others would love me (hence the reason for wanting to do things to please others).

But now, look at me at the beginning of this post. I am confident and proud of myself and what I have accomplished — and proud of what I look like.

I almost feel like I can call myself beautiful.

I’m afraid I’d be called vain though.

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know my story… or at least part of it… and why I started this blog started in the first place. (By the way, I have my pictures in my weight loss journey back up on the blog here. The story is coming soon.) Since reaching my lifetime goal though, I’ve become distracted – not only here on the blog (losing your purpose for blogging is VERY hard… just so you know), but also in general terms of life.

I’m not saying I’ve lost my life purpose… because that’s still becoming clear to me, but I’ve lost that little push to workout daily… to eat right at every meal… to be the example to everyone. And now I’ve got that little voice inside me keeps saying that “you’ve got to get back on track… you’ve got to get back on track…” Or maybe that’s just my Weight Watcher’s leader….

What I’d like to do is become one of those skinny girls that you see out with their friends at local restaurants… bars… pool halls… wherever. You know the ones… they have a SUPER fast metabolism, and incidentally are also SUPER young… and can eat or drink seemingly whatever they want.

So not fair. I totally missed out on that. Boo.

 Anyway… what was I saying?

Oh yeah… that I’ve seemingly lost my blogging purpose. Right.

So I am trying to get back on track… not only with what I am writing about (thanks to the Lady Bloggers Society – I am getting a plan of action in order) but also with the food that I have around me each day. And for this, I desperately need to go to the grocery store. So desperately. But I fear going to the grocery store because those Oreos have been calling my name ever since a couple of weeks ago when I was discussing them in a wonderful frozen format via Twitter with Gitzen Girl.

Seriously… frozen oreos are the best… or maybe frozen chocolate covered oreos… Mmmmm….

Ummm… sorry I just slipped into an Oreo food coma there and distracted myself.

So now you can see why I haven’t really been losing weight… all the distractions in life. They surround me, they surround you… we all just need to power through here somehow. Just how for me is yet to be determined. I’m working hard at it though– and trying to stay the course as much as I can. So far the week has been good to me.

And I promised my Weight Watcher’s leader that next Wednesday I would come back to a meeting. That I would see my friends there and catch up with everyone. I’m a little scared about weigh in… I don’t know why… after all I know what the number says on my scale at home.

So there’s my update on the Weight Watchers course.

How are you doing?

I know today’s blog lyric title is not from a song… or at least a true song that I can find. But it’s from a commercial. The only thing is I can’t remember what candy bar (or bars?) the commercial was promoting. Anyway… last night I felt like a nut — and thus the blog title was born.

So a few weeks ago my trainer asked me if I would be willing to share my weight loss journey and goals through the process with the weight loss challenge group at my health club. For some crazy reason, I said yes. I’m not a public speaker… but yet I say yes. (I finally know why I do this…)

That title desperately describes what I’ve been feeling in the past 36 hours — or maybe even a little more than that. With the pain that I’ve been experiencing, I haven’t really cared about much else in life. Not about laundry, cleaning or frankly anything that’s been entering my mouth. And I’ve been tired. So that doesn’t help my choices with food either.

And while the pain in my jaw has subsided quite a bit — partly due to the pain medication, mostly {I think} due to the massage I got last week — I’m still not making good choices.

It’s been 10+ days since I’ve logged anything in my food tracker. And my weight has PAID FOR IT. I officially am now about 15 pounds over goal. I am feeling crappy about myself and decided last night that THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. I need to change my mentality about a lot of things. I need to love myself. I need to find the quality in me that I am worth. I need to find a purpose in some things that I’ve been working toward.

As I was looking back over my previous blogs this weekend, I realized that I never really set clear goals for myself. So on this first day of February I am setting up some new goals… 11 goals for the next 11 months. And each month I will be updating to showcase my progress for each one of these goals.

1. Write, write, write… as many days as possible. The first part of this goal would be posting one new blog per day here… the other part of the goal would be to post weekly on my writing blog.

2. Take a photo everyday — and post it on my new Project 365 blog.

3. Host a girls night out — or in! Serve drinks, play games and just have a grand time with friends.

4. Track my food. While I am going to “take a break” from the Weight Watcher’s meetings for a bit (only for part of the month of February — just to save the $13/week that it’s costing me right now), I am going to get this part of me BACK ON TRACK. Once I am back to goal weight (or as close to it by the end of the month), I will get back to the meetings.

5. Run in the Fifth Third Riverbank Run. While my goal right now is to do the 25k, I may be changing this to the 10k to make it more manageable for myself. More to come on this soon…

6. Read and comment on at least 5 blogs daily. This can easily be done on a lunch hour — or even as I am getting ready for bed at night. I’ve been trying to be an active member of SITS for a while — and I think this may be the best way to get and keep me involved.

7. Invite my family over for Sunday lunch… and try a new recipe out on them. Ever since moving into my condo all of my immediate family members (ok, now with the exception of the newborn nephew) have been over, but not all at once. I have gone over to each of their homes for a meal, and now would like to return the honor to them.

8. Exercise at least 5 days each week… more if able. Lately I’ve been getting to the gym 3 times a week… or maybe 4 if I’m lucky. With as much as I’m spending on this membership, I need to be there a whole lot more than what I have been.

9. Read one chapter of the Bible daily… or better yet, do the Bible in 90 days reading plan this summer if I do not participate in any online Bible studies.

10. Clean my house for 20 minutes per day. This might not seem like a lot, but I figure if I do a little bit everyday (especially since most of that time is now spent on wasted things like Facebook currently) that I will feel more in control overall. Not to mention, I won’t be spending hours on the weekends doing

11. Go to the movie theater and see a movie by myself. You might think I am weird for doing this, but I think it will be very self empowering. Either that or I will regret every minute of it.

*bonus* Move this blog back to WordPress. Both of my other blogs (see above) are on their system… and I need to move this one back there. I just don’t want anything to be inturrupted for my loyal readers — and I want to have the ability to customize certain things as well. I have some books from the library on it right now… hopefully they will actually be helpful.

So overall, I don’t know if this will help me regain the control I’ve been lacking… or if it will help me realize who I am… but it’s a start to helping me live the way that I need to.

*today’s lyric title: Simple Plan – “Welcome to my Life”

I woke up this morning feeling renewed in my day. Feeling energized after rolling out of bed despite the 4:55am alarm (well, including a couple of “snooze” sessions.) I was ready to tackle this day and stay on plan today. Last night before going to bed, I wrote out {almost} everything I was planning to eat today. I had everything packed and ready to go. I was prepared.

After all, yesterday I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t plan. I had no self control. The day before I almost stayed on plan (the only thing that kept me 1/2 way decent was knowing that my weigh in was the next day. And truth be told, the only good thing about Monday and Tuesday was that I halfheartedly tried to track.

All in all, while I lost 3 pounds at my weigh-in yesterday morning (YAY!), it was not truly a victory for me as I really had not done and followed the Weight Watcher’s plan to the fullest extent of what I would like. My goal is to change that this week. I would like to get my GHG’s in each day going forward (as it didn’t happen yesterday) — and to be able to stay within my point target for the day that I have set. But I’m also trying not to sacrifice some of my favorite things to eat. You see, that’s the part I’m failing on.

So back to this morning. At 4:55am I was rolling out of bed and by 5:10 (ok, maybe closer to 5:15) I was on my way to the health club for some much needed cardio. After all I haven’t had any workout since Tuesday. I got to class and it was looking like a typical day for us… and then a group of high school kids walked in. Our class that is “normally” (for 5:30am) about 5-6 people big… all of a sudden was at 21!! AWESOME!!! The energy in the room really changes when there are more people there. Class was great — the kids did amazing for their first time (and it being 5:30am) and I left there feeling like I could conquer the world. Ok, maybe not quite conquer the world… but definitely conquer my day.

According to the plan I have set – I’m having my Weight Watcher’s smoothie for breakfast with my 2tsp of EVOO (according to my favorite gal pal Rachael Ray) to fulfill the dairy and oil requirements of the day. Done. Good start for me…

…and this is where I become my own worst enemy. (See how well the lyric title plays into this today?!?) I got to work with a plan. But shortly after I walk in the door, I learn that my boss has graciously brought in cinnamon rolls. A BAKERY CINNAMON ROLL PEOPLE. My favorite breakfast food.

I resisted. I didn’t say no, but I put it in my head that I just couldn’t have it. I just wanted to stay on track today. But then I walked past them. And then I walked past again when I was hungry. I *should* have walked back to my desk to have the banana I brought. But I didn’t.

I *CHOSE* to have part of a cinnamon roll. At least I chose only part of it — and not the whole thing. But I’m feeling guilty and wondering why lately I am still not able to resist temptations. Earlier this week it was potato chips. Now cinnamon rolls. What’s next???

Knowing that I can have anything in moderation helps, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better about abandoning my plan for the day… just because food was brought into the office.

Now I feel blah. Not terrible… not hungry or stuffed… just blah.

I’m going to eat my banana now, just to make me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING right.

*today’s lyric title: P!nk – “Don’t Let Me Get Me”