Category Archives: weight loss

And so the journey begins again…

December has been a month of times where I have joined Weight Watchers in the past. I believe the first time I walked into Weight Watchers the first time was 9 years ago this past week. And 3 years ago this week was when I had reached the Weight Watchers Lifetime status.

That status seems ever so far away again.

And last night I became suddenly aware of how much I want to be back at my goal weight again. I’m not going into the details of what made me realize it, but let’s just say I’m not feeling so hot about myself.

It is what it is. And I’ve done what I’ve done.

I can’t keep beating myself up for things that are in the past. So I need to move on, and I must work on changing my habits again.

Changing habits before the holidays begin.

I need to lose weight again.

I don’t know if I’ll post another picture here again. Or even what I weigh in at later today.

But know that I’m going to start doing what I did the last time around. Start doing the things that helped me achieve my goals and keep the accountability going with everyone in my life online. Because sticking myself in a hole is not a good thing. Because hiding does not help one lose weight – especially when said person is a closet binge eater.

Yes. I said it.

But you know what? I feel a little relief with it.

Maybe because I needed to acknowledge it to myself too.

And now I’ll be heading out to face the music.

#Mamavation Monday: er, um, Tuesday – oops…

I had the best of intentions. I thought I was ready to start with trying to lose weight before I left on vacation a couple of weeks ago.

For a couple of days, I did well. Then the inevitable happened and I continued on my way as I did for the last year. Or more.

So now I’m taking drastic measures with myself. I’m “outing” myself and what I really look like.

Because dressing right really does hide the problem areas.

image

This picture is from a couple weeks ago, but it’s exactly what I look like. No hiding anymore. {Plus I’m not super sunburned in this picture like I am now. Ouch. Seriously.}

And now, for the first time EVER on this blog… I’m going to get real about what I actually weigh. I have to give credit to Sunday for this, because she did this on her own blog… and totally inspired me to be REAL about everything too.

I mean really. Look at those stubby toes. Not to mention the number on the scale. Ugh.

So I’m doing something about this. I’ve already met with my trainer last week (and couldn’t hardly walk for 3 days after!) and am starting (slowly) to change my eating habits. I need to get back into the rhythm again of how I did this before.

I’m starting the process to pledge to #mamavation today. (I know, yesterday was Monday… but I sorta forgot about the blog link-up then.)

No more splurging. Daily.

No more “justifying” the quick lunches.

No more eating out because I have no food in the house.

I must go grocery shopping.

I must plan my meals.

I must start paying attention again.

 

I’m doing this for me.

For my future. For my now.

Starting again…

My head wasn’t in the right place a couple of weeks ago when I wrote that I really needed to lose weight again. In fact, I still cannot completely say today without a shadow of a doubt that it still is.

I just know that my pants don’t fit anymore. As I sit and type this, I can almost feel the seems coming apart… feel the humiliation of what will happen when (inevitably) they break at the most inopportune time.

And it makes me want to cry.

Especially after the horrors of what I did to myself over the last 2 weeks. I could have made good choices, but each and every time I felt sorry for myself (which was a lot by the way) I chose the quick meal that had hundreds (if not thousands) of calories.

Over the last few days, I’ve also been noticing some things in myself that I don’t like. Things like getting out of breath easily at tasks that should be easy for me. Tasks that previously were nothing for me to handle even while doing other things in the process.

So I need to get my butt in gear. For real this time.

Weight Tracker

I actually decided it last night (Sunday)… and promptly made a chart of what my weight is each and every week. An accountability chart if you will. (And I have a plan for accountability on this as well.) :)

Then shortly after this, I hauled out all the (new to me) Points Plus Weight Watchers materials that I have been holding on to for about a year. I knew the old plan inside & out… and this new plan scared me a little. But now I’ve got to get past this “scared” feeling (aka I’m gonna fail this time) and get back on it. Get back to what I know is right to do.

My Weight Watcher's materials

I wish there was a way for me to be part of the #Mamavation group without trying to be in a contest. If there is… I just can’t figure it out. Meanwhile, I hang out on the hashtag & will continue to try to get motivated to do the right thing – as well as give encouragement too. :)

In the meantime, I’m going to try to find a new pair of pants today in the next size (or 3) up from where I am.

If nothing else to avoid something horrific happening with the ones I am wearing.

60 pounds…

Me now... as taken with a cell phone camera in the bathroom. Not good.

Sigh. That’s how much I’ve gained in less than 18 months… or maybe 12.

And if you do the math… that’s gaining 3+ pounds a month. Which absolutely sickens me.

At this rate, being 100 pounds away from my heaviest known weight right now, I would be back to my “old” self in a matter of 2-3 years… or less.

I just can’t have that.

So I was thinking about applying to be an official “Mamavation” mom. (Yes, even though I’m not a mom.) The program that Leah runs is great… and full of support. I love that about the #Mamavation hashtag on twitter. I love seeing the support of everyone.

I had that kind of support before… and I need that kind of support again.

But after a (long) weekend of thinking about it, I can’t apply for the program this summer. There are too many things standing in the way for me to be successful. First is the commitments that I have for my vacations – visiting friends and attending a blog conference. Second is the fact that I don’t own a Wii. (That could be rectified… but I’d rather not buy something I’m only going to use for a matter of months.) Last is the issue of me not being able to participate in the online bootcamps throughout the day. It’s very difficult for me to be online between 8am & 5pm during the week (and some days it’s more like 8am – 10pm).

So I’m going to do this myself again. Eating right and working out… following the Weight Watchers plan (the new one I have the materials for – but have yet to really read/learn.)

I’d love to say that I started strong this morning with a new outlook and excitement toward losing the weight… but that’s just not true. I woke up late and McDonald’s was just easier to go to than to try to find something “healthier”. It’s bad – but it is what it is.

I know what I have to do… the #1 thing is to stop eating at the easy-in/easy-out fast food establishments. The second is that I *have* to start drinking my water again each day. The third is to start getting some exercise in… and then finally making sure that I’m eating the right things (which if I’m not visiting the fast food places, would go a LONG ways toward anyway.)

After writing this all out, I have to admit something. While I know I have to change these things in my life… I’m still struggling with the desire to change them. Maybe it has to do with the original reason I gained the weight in the first place.

In which case… I have a lot of self-discovery to do. And do it fast.

I don’t want to be who I was again.

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