…about what life would be like if things were different, but I know that changes nothing. I am going to start accepting myself as I am and what I have. No more “wishing” for what I could have. God will provide these things if and when the time is right.

…about how I feel so insecure about so many things, but yet I try to be the picture of confidence. I need to acknowledge to others that I am hurting — and also begin writing more about these “hurts” so that I can find the root causes of these insecurities.

…about how I procrastinate at EVERYTHING, even when important things need to be accomplished. I’m not sure how to fix this in myself… other than actually NOT procrastinating.

…about how I need to read more, but instead pick up my computer to Tweet, blog or simply waste time on Facebook. I will re-commit to reading, whether it’s the Bible — or a book I’ve been dying to catch up on.

…about where my next travel adventure will take me — and whether or not I can afford said trip. I will start to save money for this trip each week in my piggy bank. Even if it’s only one dollar each week.

…about the goals that I set for myself at the beginning of this month and how each one of them has been broken. Well… the daily ones at least. I will start working on these goals again… starting today.

…about going back to grad school — not for finance (my current field of choice) but for something that will inspire me to inspire others to be better people. To encourage the world to see things in themselves that they didn’t even know was possible. I’m just not sure what grad school program to enter for that kind of thing. **If you have any suggestions on this one — I’m all about it!**

…about the possibility of moving out of my hometown all the time. Out of the life I have known forever and into a place that will bring me a sense of adventure. Without selling my home, I’m not sure how I can make this happen.

…that I cannot fail at anything that I honestly put my heart into. (More on that tomorrow…)

…I am more thankful than what I can possibly even write for the family & friends I have that support me in everything. Not only my real life friends… but also my bloggy friends out there. Your comments keep me going and make me smile. I appreciate your comments and love even though we have not met.

…that I will be working to read more blogs — not only to make more friends (especially friends from SITS) — but also to learn more about writing, the craft I have begun to love and want to continue to develop to achieve my dream of being published someday.

…I am going to re-commit to conquer the hard things in my life again. Recommit to being the best I can be. Recommit to losing the weight that I have gained over the past 2 months and get back on plan (I know… I’ve said this before!) Recommit to working out daily… recommit to counting my WW points… recommit to feeling better.

…that I can do this – ALL of this.

I know, I know… I said I was going to post pictures of my vacation today. I will do my best to get it up there in the next day or two. I tried to do it last night… but got distracted easily by trying to do my taxes, trying to catch up with people on facebook (have I mentioned my addiction there lately?) and finally trying not to fall asleep. And finally, I ended up going to be early. Which was good.

After much brainstorming about blog titles (and inspiration), I’m starting a new thing on the blog today. While listening to my iPod today, I was struck by how many song lyrics would make good material for the blog. So I’m going to see how long I can successfully do this — and have it be relevant to my life. That’s right, I’m just starting to get my creativity on for 2010. I’m really excited about it too. There’s only one catch to it all — it can’t be the title of the song.

And now the real post for today…

It starts with one thought, a commitment to a goal. That’s why I got up this morning at 4:45am and ran 2.5 miles. Seriously. I committed to doing this 25k and now I *must* run. I need to build up my stamina because after this morning, I felt like I was going to collapse. I need to learn to drink more water while running. I need to run further. I need to run faster so that I can finish within my 3 hour goal for this event.

It starts with one reflection on who you want to be. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Who do I want to be? Am I showing others what I want them to see in me? I know that I am a child of God… someone that truly wants to know more about the Bible and to learn the history of those that came before us. But I’m also the person that does want to go out and have a good time with friends. I’m trying to discover how to put this together in my life appropriately.

It starts with one fear… a fear that I will not be accepted by others. I’m afraid that everyone around me will pick up on the awkward comments that I make at times. I’m afraid that I am putting the wrong image of who I truly am. I’m afraid that I will ramble on for long periods of time making people think that I am wordy… or worse, boring.

It starts with one phone call I am awaiting. I’m days away from being an aunt for the first time and I couldn’t be more excited. This little child is already blessed by having such great parents (although my brother worries me a little… he’s thinking that he’s going to be getting more sleep once the baby arrives!) I can’t wait to see and hear about his/her firsts… watching him/her grow up… and just being blessed by being a part of his/her journey in life.

“It starts with one…” is the first line of “In the End” by Linkin Park. I thought it was appropriate for the first blog in my personal challenge.

I have a confession. I am obsessed intrigued by horoscopes. I don’t believe that they come true (because how in the world can stars & planets predict things?) but they do make me curious and I read them on occasion. So I thought that I would pull out a little experiment here. Just to “test” the horoscopes. Test the theories. So I copied my 2010 horoscopes into this blog message from Yahoo (because they mysteriously disappear at the point when you want to look back to see if they are legit) and will be checking in at the end of the year to see if any of this is anywhere close to what my life is like.

I’ll tell you now, I don’t have much hope/faith in this experiment… this year or any other year… I just am curious to see how their “generalist” sayings will play out in my life for 2010.

After all, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has my life in His hands and that His plan is just beginning to unravel in my life. And unless God is pulling the strings for these astrologists (I’m just saying… anything’s possible), this is really all in fun… and I am not taking it seriously at all (and if things do turn out to be 100% true, I may have to re-assess how God does work in these ways. But that’s another blog for another time.)

And don’t ya know it… my favorite horoscope ever came on a Friday night. It read that I would “establish social connections.” Ha! Ummm… yeah, I (as well as many others of many various age groups) will go out on Friday nights… this would not be a surprise or a good horoscope in my oh so humble opinion.

You can choose to read the detail of what is below… but it’s really not important stuff – unless you (like me) are curious to see what it says about being a Libra.

Off to experiment…

Libra – Year 2010 Overview
The symbol for Libra is Balance. In the next year, you’ll find yourself doing even more balancing than usual; you’re going to be pressed to decide if your internal sense of happiness should be the focus of life more than the outward signs of success. This may have been weighing heavily on your mind for the last several months, as far as work and the state of your love life. What you are likely to be weighing this year is a little more intangible (and a little more important) than those things. Specifically, in 2010 you’ll find yourself weighing out the cost of the connections you’ve formed for yourself versus their actual value to you.

There’s going to be a lot of pressure on you from within and without as to who you really are at heart and who you really are to those closest to you. This will be both in your personal life and at work. The natural Libra impulse is often to make peace with these kind of pressures, or negotiate your way around them. Your best bet in the next year though will be to recognize your own inherent value — not just what you appear to be worth to others.

In the final analysis this is all good news, even if it’s good news in disguise. No one is better than you at beautifying things or finding the inherent beauty in the mundane. Once you realize that you yourself are at least as shiny and pretty as any accessory — in your heart and soul, where beauty really counts — you’ll have begun assembling a better You. Breathe through the difficult spots, and enjoy the results!

Libra – Year 2010 Career
The last year has probably presented more frustrations than triumphs in the work and money departments for you. Thankfully, it all turns around this year! There will be two eclipses — one in January and one in July — that will shake loose the situations you’ve been dealing with for a while now. In January, an eclipse in your Career House will make for distinct changes at your place of work. At first this change may be a cause for some concern: an increase in responsibilities, for example. Don’t worry, you can handle it. You’ll have the opportunity to show off your skills in new ways that are more likely to garner attention.

The second eclipse will finish the course set by the first one, and will likely propel you into a new job or a new position of prominence in the old one. Although these developments may come as a surprise to you, in hindsight they will have been a result of events that have been brewing for a while. If you think about where your work life has been the last couple of years, it’s obvious that some kind of change was called for, even if it isn’t immediately obvious.

As far as actual cash on hand, although it isn’t likely there will be any windfalls or lottery wins, there will be a distinct sense of improvement developing gradually over time. June through August will show some distinct improvements.

Libra – Year 2010 Romantic
First of all, when it comes to anything scary you might have heard about Saturn being in your sign this year — don’t believe the hype! Yes, there will be a new sense of seriousness about things, but nothing you can’t handle. And one of the nice things about this new seriousness is that it may well bring some serious romance into your life!

If you are currently in a committed relationship, June through August will find you involved in a new depth of communication with your partner. Knowing what you both want and finding ways to get there together will be of new importance to both of you. If you find yourself looking for love, much of the year will bring newfound attention. Mars in your House of Love Received will bring surprising attention from both new players and those who may have not expressed an interest before. If you are seeking a mate, this is good news. If you already have one, this could be good news or it could just be awkward.

Neptune will continue to cast a fuzzy shadow over your romantic judgment for much of the year. Being as it is in your Romance Sector, it has undoubtedly made for some interesting circumstances in your love life the last couple of years, and possibly some less-than-wise choices for yourself. But hey, what’s a little romance without a little delusion? Although those conditions will continue to be in place through the year, both experience and supporting transits will help you to avoid the worst of the haziness, and you’ll still be able to enjoy that Neptune buzz!

So, here I was thinking… maybe, just MAYBE, some of you might have random/fun/entertaining/crazy questions for me. Or maybe there would be some serious/meaningful/intense/deep questions for me. So last week I asked for questions.

And due to this, I am going to abandon the “Question Monday’s” gig. At least for now. Maybe if I get really hard up on blog material, I will beg, plead and gravel for help… but I think I’m good to go for now. Especially with the holidays coming up. Plus I made pasta the other night that I am SO in love with… I’ve had it 2 times this week. So I might just share that “recipe” (if you can really call it that!) with you all as well.

In the meantime, if you have any suggestions, insights or ponderings for me, I would love to read your comments…