So my “annual” birthday post dedicated to my nephew and all of his cuteness is almost a month overdue. Eh, when you’re in a blog-writing-rut… sometimes you just have to pull yourself out and THEN post about your favorite things.

Here’s a few of my favorite memories I’ve captured with him over the past couple of months. (Since I got my new iPhone!)

Playing with the iPad is always lots of fun… especially when you hit it against Auntie Juju’s wishes.

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This is linked up with iPhone Photo Phun at Belle Bean Chicago Dog & Taming Insanity.

I didn’t know what to expect going into this. Who am I going to be matched up with? How hard is it to design a mug? What if mine looks like crap? Do I have to come up with special pictures or a phrase for it?

The stress of it all!

But you know what?

I. LOVED. IT.

And can’t wait for next year.

Kristin from What She Said sent me this way cool mug (filled with goodies no less!)

The mug is cool and all… but I am a sucker for chocolate.

And this…

…was good chocolate!

On a side note, the mug I created was shipped off to Just a Lil Snarky!

Thanks again for hosting this Liz! Love it!!

Most of you know my love for the television show “How I Met your Mother”. I’ve watched it from day one. I don’t think I’ve missed a single episode. I’ve been dedicated to trying to figure out who the mother is for 6 (i think) LONG years now. {Seriously writers, get to the mother already!}

And Monday night, the show threw a punch at me like nothing else could.

The last episode ended with Robin sharing with Barney that she thought she was pregnant… but upon going to the doctor she learned that she was not able to have kids. (Learning this only days after going to the doctor for the first time, something that only could happen in a 1/2 hour episode… but I digress.)

And Robin learned within a matter of days of having the tests done that she won’t ever be a pole vaulter*. The episode continued throughout with Robin not sure if she ultimately wanted to be a pole vaulter and the ramifications of the possibility being taken away entirely.

What struck me so hard is that I was told those same things 10 years ago. I would never be a pole vaulter. If I tried, it likely wouldn’t work. And so I have worked to give up the dream of it all. I can’t for certain say that I always wanted to be a pole vaulter, but I had liked the possibility of it being there. I think any woman does. Having that be taken away entirely can make you feel like you are “less than”. Can make you feel like you are missing out on something that you should be able to do.

So after a 1/2 hour sitcom (theoretically a show that should make you laugh), I felt dumbfounded. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and had to deal with this issue once again in my life. Seeing it on television – for some crazy reason – brought it all back and made it real again.

Why? Because I am Robin.

I will likely be the person that focuses on my career and hobbies, wondering what it’s like to be a pole vaulter like so many of my friends are already. I will likely be able to fulfill the dream of travelling the world and achieving things that some pole vaulters can only dream of doing.

But unless there is an advancement of drugs and medicine over the years, being a pole vaulter won’t become a reality for me. Not to mention there’s still that thing of the lack of relationship – and the fact that I will never be a pole vaulter alone. I need a partner in it all.

The silver lining of the show was that in the year 2030, Ted shares that Robin has a successful career, travelled the globe and has been surrounded her entire life by friends. I hope I can say the same thing in 20+ years. Part of me wishes that Robin had been the one telling Ted’s kids that she was fulfilled with her life. Because part of me wonders what she is thinking in the future.

And I wonder if I will feel the same way when the year 2030 arrives.

*For those that don’t watch “How I Met your Mother”… being a pole vaulter is being a mom/having a child of your own. And while they took a “funny, yet serious” approach to it all (that I attempted to carry through on this post), this is a reality for many women out there, including myself.

Picture credit

I didn’t dress up for Halloween this year. In fact, I did my typical hide-in-the-house-hoping-the-kids-don’t-come-knocking act. After all, I am apparently the epitome of friendliness with my neighbors. (Yes, that sentance may have been dripping with sarcasm.)

But I did venture out to my brother’s house to see my 21-month-old soccer player nephew. And boy was he WOUND UP. And apparently he hadn’t had any candy yet. Yikes.

My lil buddy and brother (the referee… although the stripes fell off his shirt… so I’m not sure how good of a referee that makes him.)

And of course lil buddy had to show me his soccer moves. Should I be worried that he only kicks with his left foot?

How was your Halloween?

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This is linked up with iPhone Photo Phun at Belle Bean Chicago Dog & Taming Insanity – and with Boo! in the Blogosphere with Four Plus an Angel & Sellabitmum.

Halloween gets me thinking each year. Each year I sit and wonder why it is that this holiday is so popular.

It’s filled with scary things… and purposely scaring people.

It’s filled with spiders (which I hate!) and vampires and blood.

And it’s filled with people pretending and encouraging others to be who they aren’t.

For kids, I believe this is great. They get to expand their imaginations and create new dreams of something they could be one day.

But for adults, it seems this holiday and it’s parties seem to be surrounded by sex. Especially for women.

After all, a couple of the top adult women’s costumes* look like this…

Click on image for source

click on image for source

Yes, sex sells. I realize that.

But when did it become such a popular thing to objectify ourselves? To go to these parties, in clothes for the other 364 days a year you wouldn’t be caught dead in, and then post the pictures on facebook, twitter and other social sites to laugh & remember the good times with your friends.

Do you think about the women that have gone before you – working hard for equal rights, working hard to build respect… and make each of us more than just that sex symbol that objectifies all of us.

Yes, I know that “it’s all in fun” for one day a year. But really… do you think that men who see you in your everyday life forget the image of you immediately when you leave that party?

I think not.

This really comes down to a respect issue. Maybe we need to do a better job of respecting ourselves… and teaching the women that come after us to do the same.

After all, while we may not be dressing up like this… those that do are still daughters, nieces, friends, neighbors… women.

You know the kind. Where you are too busy to notice which way is up?

Yeah, it’s one of *those* weeks for me. And it’s not going to let up for at least another couple of weeks.

And it’s partly my fault.

But I *need* to do certain things to fulfill obligations.

But I *need* to do other things because I’ve signed up and paid for it.

But I *need* to do yet something else because it would be fun to do… and I might get to meet up with a couple of blog/twitter friends.

But is it all worth it?

The sleep lost.

The stress level raised.

The time away from home.

The time away from spending time doing things that need to be done.

So I might have to say no.

I might not be able to live it up on my (one) Saturday off this month.

I’ll take my time off and spend it doing things that need to be done.

Room by room.

Project by project.

Until everything is back in it’s place.

And I feel more in control.

Hopefully… this will only take me one day.

And hopefully… it won’t be one of “those” weeks again next week.

I’ve only talked about my day job on here once that I recall. And then… it wasn’t even really about the job itself (even though it was the “things I like about my job”. Haha!) As I said back then, if I tried to tell you what I did… I would bore you to sleep (for the most part). No kidding.

But a new person is starting here at the “Office of Julie” this week and (as soon as she’s trained) I’ll be leaving the room I’ve called home since starting here and moving upstairs in the building. I’ll be honest, I’m not very happy about the move itself. There are many reasons why… but I’m not highlighting those today.

Since I’ve been here for 9 years now… I’m giving you the 9 reasons I’m glad to move upstairs.

New office window will be the one by the tree

9. Don’t have to hear others annoying habits. (And they won’t have to hear mine.)

8. Miss out on the off-key song extravaganzas. (Although at times they are fairly entertaining.)

7. Instead of looking at the park across the street, I’ll be able to look over the park. I’ll even be above the traffic light.

6. Hear the rain on the rooftop again.

5. There’s a balcony. On sunny days, I can hang out and write on my lunch hour. (Or just play on twitter.)

4. Will not be one of the primary phone answerers any longer (hopefully.)

3. My very own bathroom.

2. Climbing/descending the stairs at least twice a day. Yay for a little bit of extra exercise!

1. New computer. With Windows 7.

So there you have it. The top 10 reasons I’m glad I’m moving to a new office in the building. Maybe after I move I’ll share how the transition went… and whether I’m loving it by then.

Have you ever changed offices? Was it traumatic? Did the change go well? Did you hate it?

Last night I went to my cousin’s wedding. It was beautiful and perfect. She and her new husband looked amazing, so happy, and I wish them all the best as they begin their new life together.

During the traditional Father-Daughter dance, my cousin had chosen a beautiful song by Natalie Grant called “Always Be Your Baby”. It was everything in me not to cry at the lyrics. (My uncle really didn’t stand a chance of not crying as he danced with his daughter. It was beautiful.)

So in honor of Father’s Day today I want to share the song and lyrics with all of you as well.

And to my Big Papa…

I have seen the look of the pride on your face as I have graduated both high school and college. With every exam to further my career, the pride was evident. I can see your love for me with so many things that I do.

I can only hope and pray that someday I get to see the look in your eyes as you have the privilege of walking me down the aisle.

I love you dad. This is for you.

Julie

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Always Be Your Baby
by Natalie Grant

You were my first love, always there for me
You taught me how to walk and how to dream
God gave me your eyes
But it was you who showed me how to see
Now I can stand on my own
But I know that you’ll never let go

I’ll always be your baby
No matter how the years fly by
The way you love me made me
Who I am in this world
I’m a woman now, not a little girl
Wherever this life takes me
I’ll always be your baby

You are my hero and that will never change
You still can dry my tears with just a smile
The one I’ve leaned on
From my first steps to walking down the aisle
Now there’s another man in my life
But I know by the look in your eyes

I’ll always be your baby
No matter how the years fly by
The way you love me made me
Who I am in this world
I’m a woman now, Not a little girl
Wherever this life takes me
I’ll always be your baby

Your faith, your love
And all that you believe
Have come to be the strongest part of me
And I will always be your baby

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Song by Natalie Grant
Video/Music from YouTube
Lyrics from Christian Lyrics Online

This is one of those posts that I wish I would have kept my blog private for. A post about relationships… and the truth behind mine. It’s weird knowing that my parents and quite possibly my brothers (not to mention other family members) will read this at some point. And I can only imagine there will be that “elephant in the room” for the rest of my life. Especially when one of my brothers (you know who you are) will bring this up as a “joke” and I will walk out of the family gathering in tears.

All that to say… I’m writing this to find out that I’m either strange, weird, crazy… or simply not alone in these feelings or experiences. Although being a 30-something single woman, I’m pretty sure I am the only one out there like me.

I realized something when I was on the phone the other day with a friend. We had been talking about dating and how difficult it would be to find “the one”… especially when the chemistry isn’t there for one or both of the people.

And it hit me – I haven’t even dated enough to be socially acceptable. Seriously, it’s not like I’m turning down dates here, hence the reason I previously said I’d pretty much date anyone that asked. (And for the most part this is still true.) Why? Because I’ve only been asked out 3 times – and I’ve asked out someone once. There have been less than 10 dates in my entire life… all after 30.

One date was from a crazy stunt I pulled on a trip out of town. Something that in hindsight, I should have never agreed to in the first place. But I did… and if nothing else, I learned a lesson.

The date where I asked the guy out was someone I had known for quite sometime, but after the date I never heard from him again. This was ok with me. It was more like getting together with a long lost cousin.

Another guy I went out with was from one of the online dating sites. Almost all of the dates we went on, we were surrounded by other people… and the one where we were by ourselves, everything just felt wrong. Plus when we took a walk around town after, he walked about 10 paces in front of me. (Yes, I was the one that broke up that scenario shortly after… and yes, if he had held my hand, I might have considered keeping him around a little longer.)

The last guy was a blind date – it started out really awkward because the restaurant we met at was closed and we decided to just do drinks at a restaurant near my house. About 20 minutes after being there (and realizing how much he didn’t want to actually get to know me or talk about anything whatsoever), one of my brother’s friends walked in and sat down at the bar with his friends. I spent the rest of that date wishing I was on a date with that guy instead of who I was with.

That last date was March of 2009. More than a year ago now. And yes, I still have a crush… but I have no idea what he’s up to right now.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know why guys don’t want to ask me out… or if they do, I don’t know how to read “the signs“. I never went through that “growing up experience” because I was so overweight and secluded myself from it. It is beyond me on how to go up to them to a guy I like to ask him out because at my age you never know if anyone is really single. I’m not a girl that frequents the bar scene… especially since I don’t really have any friends that would want to go out with me. And I sure as hell don’t want to tag along with couples. I think that’s even worse.

Sometimes I’m afraid that this little “world” I’ve built online is increasing my solitude that much more.

I’m not sure what’s next… but obviously something has to change for me. Obviously something has to be different because what’s going on for me right now isn’t working.

So tell me.

Am I strange/weird/crazy because I can’t find dates? Am I alone in these thoughts?

A couple of weeks ago, I had a couple of days off after Gleek Retreat. I wanted to really use these days as a way for me to find myself back after being (or feeling like) I was lost in the midst of conference planning. Over the course of the 2 days, I spent time getting a massage, a new tattoo, drinks with new friends, watching a movie, going to the dentist… and well, painting pottery.

I had a Groupon type deal that I took advantage of a few months ago and decided this would be the perfect time to use this deal. I *love* painting pottery. It’s a HUGE release for me… and could be post in itself.

Anyway… that’s most definitely not what I’m thinking about here.

So as I was finishing up the pottery at the studio – the owner (or manager?) was walking around, keeping up on everyone and making sure we were all set. Periodically he would stop and chat with me. I thought this was because I was sitting alone… but it was nice to have someone to chat with.

As I was finishing up and cleaning up, he was walking through the hallway and asked “If you have the day off, where’s your boyfriend?” My response was something along the lines of “There’s no guy in the picture right now”. And I went back about my business thinking more about the task at hand and the need to get to work a bit later.

Shortly after, I paid for everything (or rather didn’t because I had the coupon and was )… and a couple times while I was trying to figure out what to do – since I hadn’t ever been there before – he said (or called me) “baby” a couple of times. One of my pet peeves when someone really doesn’t know me well at all. (Um, duh?!)

It was when I was driving home that it occurred to me that this might have been a pick-up line. Yeah… I’m *that* on top of it. Seriously. So I turned to my faithful twitter friends, and indeed they confirmed that for me.

Definitely a pick-up line.

This made me think about the “baby” comments a little more as well. Did he mean to say “baby” or was it just something he said to everyone? Was he trying to flirt?

I had to let it go… I knew I’d run into him a week later when I picked up the pottery so I decided to assess the situation again at that point. Plus, if I thought about it too much in that week, I might have imagined the relationship in full course. (Do all girls do this?)

This past week I went to pick up my pottery… was greeted by him as I walked in the door. He asked what my pottery looked like and I described it to him. He looked at me like I was crazy. Like it wasn’t there or something. Then all of a sudden he’s like “Oh yeah!” and starts laughing. (Cue me eye-rolling on the inside about now.)

After he picked up the vase & bowl I had made, he finished them and started packaging them up. He asked how my day was… I said “long, but good day so far”… he responded with “I know what you mean, I’ve been working since 11 last night. But at least I have a roof over my head, the kids are fed and the baby mama’s happy enough.”

At this I was glad that my order was ready… wasn’t sure exactly how to respond. I told him I really enjoyed the store & would be back sometime.

What do you think? Should I start becoming a regular at painting pottery? Or should I avoid the store unless I really want to paint… and then take a friend along for super-protection?