Most of you know my love for the television show “How I Met your Mother”. I’ve watched it from day one. I don’t think I’ve missed a single episode. I’ve been dedicated to trying to figure out who the mother is for 6 (i think) LONG years now. {Seriously writers, get to the mother already!}

And Monday night, the show threw a punch at me like nothing else could.

The last episode ended with Robin sharing with Barney that she thought she was pregnant… but upon going to the doctor she learned that she was not able to have kids. (Learning this only days after going to the doctor for the first time, something that only could happen in a 1/2 hour episode… but I digress.)

And Robin learned within a matter of days of having the tests done that she won’t ever be a pole vaulter*. The episode continued throughout with Robin not sure if she ultimately wanted to be a pole vaulter and the ramifications of the possibility being taken away entirely.

What struck me so hard is that I was told those same things 10 years ago. I would never be a pole vaulter. If I tried, it likely wouldn’t work. And so I have worked to give up the dream of it all. I can’t for certain say that I always wanted to be a pole vaulter, but I had liked the possibility of it being there. I think any woman does. Having that be taken away entirely can make you feel like you are “less than”. Can make you feel like you are missing out on something that you should be able to do.

So after a 1/2 hour sitcom (theoretically a show that should make you laugh), I felt dumbfounded. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and had to deal with this issue once again in my life. Seeing it on television – for some crazy reason – brought it all back and made it real again.

Why? Because I am Robin.

I will likely be the person that focuses on my career and hobbies, wondering what it’s like to be a pole vaulter like so many of my friends are already. I will likely be able to fulfill the dream of travelling the world and achieving things that some pole vaulters can only dream of doing.

But unless there is an advancement of drugs and medicine over the years, being a pole vaulter won’t become a reality for me. Not to mention there’s still that thing of the lack of relationship – and the fact that I will never be a pole vaulter alone. I need a partner in it all.

The silver lining of the show was that in the year 2030, Ted shares that Robin has a successful career, travelled the globe and has been surrounded her entire life by friends. I hope I can say the same thing in 20+ years. Part of me wishes that Robin had been the one telling Ted’s kids that she was fulfilled with her life. Because part of me wonders what she is thinking in the future.

And I wonder if I will feel the same way when the year 2030 arrives.

*For those that don’t watch “How I Met your Mother”… being a pole vaulter is being a mom/having a child of your own. And while they took a “funny, yet serious” approach to it all (that I attempted to carry through on this post), this is a reality for many women out there, including myself.

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