faith
What is next…
Feb 28th
Last night I listened/watched online (to be honest I listened much more than I watched) the Help Haiti Live event that Compassion put on to raise money and re-ignite some of the interest that has been lost now for the plight of the Haitians since the media presence has dwidled. Especially now that there has been another major earthquake in Chile. (From what I understand, Chileans are pretty used to having earthquakes… but this was MAJOR… so definitely keep them in your prayers along with the Haitian people.)
Anyway, during the concert – Shaun Groves told some stories and then near the end… gave a challenge. He said “Now that you know, what will you do?”
This question speaks to me on so many levels. After seeing the need in the Dominican Republic, I truly didn’t know what more I could do. I’m not someone (or at least as of this writing) who is going to get up, move to a 3rd world country and serve God’s people that way. Not saying that God won’t call me to it, I just don’t think that’s where God wants to use my talents in this life.
I know that God has big plans for me. I’m just not entirely sure of what they are… other than that I have to keep writing about my weight loss journey. That I know. After all, HE needs to be given the glory for what he enabled me to accomplish… and now maintain. I’m just not sure how this will completely finalize itself out yet… but I’m looking into some things. Good things.
Next week I am taking another writing workshop. I’m hoping to get back into my “groove” (so to speak) and get another segment of my weight loss story completed. One step closer to getting it all in book form. One step closer to helping others learn from my mistakes in life… or even my regrets… and hope that they can begin living their fullest life sooner than what I did.
I’m also trying to take this blog to “the next level”. I am going to be signing up for at least 1 — if not 2 — blog conferences for later this year. I’m hoping to get sponsorships for this, but I am also trusting that God will provide what is needed before the plane (or car) is set to travel across the country. I’ll tell you more about these events as they get closer — but I am SUPER excited about both — and am hoping to meet some awesome bloggy friends… and see the sights of at least one city I’ve never visited before (and maybe even see the Pacific Ocean?!?!?)
Anyway… so that is kind of what’s next for me. I’m seeking out what God wants… I striving to lean on Him so that I can follow where he is leading me and not going down the wrong path. Although, as a final thought here… even if you travel down the wrong path in your life for a while, God seems to bring you back to the path HE wants you to be travelling… whether through friends, family, or even a random stranger… at least that’s what I’ve seen in my life.
The Hallelujah Monks…
Dec 24th
Happy Christmas Eve everyone! I hope that today, tomorrow and the remainder of this weekend – you can spend time with family & friends… enjoying their company, enjoying the food around you (although not in a “I have to scarf it all down at once” kind of way) and most of all enjoying the memories that you are creating.
Tonight I will be with my family, going to my parents church then opening gifts and spending time with them. I already know that I will be incredibly blessed tonight. I truly have a very special family and I am so glad to be surrounded by them.
Over the last couple of days, I’ve done some blog stalking and have run into this video a couple of times. I thought it was invaluably cute… and just plain cool. I hope you enjoy.
Have a blessed Christmas eve… and maybe I’ll be back tomorrow to report any significant going’s on that happened at tonight’s party. (I’m really not expecting anything… but you never know!)
Last Siesta Scripture…
Dec 16th
Today is my last memory verse post with the Siesta’s at the LPM Blog for 2009. And while I said in my last Scripture memory blog on 12.2.09, I would only be doing a recap of the verses I’ve learned this year so far… but after reading Amanda’s post there — I’m feeling compelled to learn the same verse as she is. Not for the same reason though.
Psalm 27:4 NIV
One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
Amanda is memorizing this verse because it has provided her great comfort in recent trials the family has experienced with Beth’s surgery and recovery. It is her mom’s favorite verse as well.
I am choosing to memorize it because the moment I read it on the LPM blog, it struck me so strongly that I want to LIVE this verse… not just memorize it. I want to seek the house of the Lord all the days of my life and gaze upon his beauty.
A few weeks ago, our DR Mission team group did a recap for our church… and our team leader, Mary, spoke about how struck she was about the faith of the people that we were serving. Especially when they saw the Jesus video. I don’t know if they knew the whole story of Jesus before this (I presumed so), but when these grown men were shown the part of the video of where Jesus took on the sins of the world and was cruicified, they began to cry… and then a short time later after the resurrection they were so happy. So happy that God had gone to the grave and then rose for them. For me. For you.
Mary was so struck by this… has our faith become so mundane and “everyday”-ish that we don’t find even the fact that Jesus was cruicified for us to be an amazing and emotional thing. Think about it… he did it for you. So you could spend eternity in heaven with him.
I want to find the story of Christmas, Easter, Ascension, and everything in between to be an amazing miracle. Really that’s what it is. After the fall, God could have scrapped the human race… but instead he chose to save us. He chose to give us life in him by sending his son to earth… to live and grow up among us… and then allowed him to be scorned and killed — so that he could raise him back up.
It’s just so amazing.
And we’re just entering the season for it.
Do me a favor… enter this season with amazement. Think of everything as something new. Be stunned that God loves you and wants to be a part of your life.
Esther Bible Study…
Dec 9th
This week I finished the Beth Moore Bible Study “Esther” with my church. It has been an incredible study… one that I knew would be powerful – but still had no idea on where all of this would lead. I’m still in awe of how God has used this study to show me where and how He wants me to live for him… and that I need to wait upon his perfect timing for all of this.
Some of the wise words I’ve learned from this series are from the video sessions. A few of the phrases I wrote down that still stick with me are (and I am most likely paraphrasing from the video)… “We will never fulfill our God ordained destiny if we are ’straddling the fence.”…”We will lose our strength when we wait upon the event/time/thing. We will gain our strength when we wait upon the LORD.”…”You get to decide how good your story is going to be. You may be one brave decision from and important step in your destiny.”…”God’s patience always involves His passion. Anytime we are waiting for something we are also longing for it. And God longs with us too. Isaiah 30:18.”
I can not stress enough… if you have the opportunity to do this study – take advantage of it. Invest the time into it… or into any Bible Study really. I have been blessed by so much in the past year not only through the 2 Beth Moore studies that I’ve done, but also through the Jennifer Rothschild study I did this summer.
So because this study is coming to a close… I have to decide what’s next to finish out December. I might just work on finishing a couple of books I’ve started — “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge and “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore.
Looks like in January I’ll be leading (or co-leading) another Beth Moore Study “Daniel” with my church. I’m really excited that this might be happening. It’s not final yet… but I have a feeling it will be soon.
Have you enjoyed a particular Bible Study? If so… which one?
Drowning (Facedown)…
Dec 6th
This weekend has been a tough one. Food wise… and creativity wise. I don’t know what’s happening with me in all of this. And why I feel so “off”.
I was hoping to have my Christmas cards done and ready to send. Instead I have a shell of an idea and nothing mass produced. I was hoping to get at least one more section of my book written. I was hoping to have a book ready to submit to Shutterfly for my DR Trip… but as of this writing, I have yet to upload a single photo to the website. I was hoping to have a design idea ready for my future sis-in-law for wedding stationary… but the idea still resides in my head.
I spent a fair amount of time this weekend listening to music. Various music — some of which will be highlighted on here this week… my ode to Christmas music. Yes, I do like Christmas music. AFTER THANKSGIVING. And I have a couple new songs that I really enjoy that I know you all will want to check out.
But this is not about Christmas music… this is about me. I was listening to Saving Abel’s “Drowning (Face Down)”… a song that I had heard first at their concert earlier this year (they opened for Nickelback). The song really didn’t strike me, except that I liked it and should check it out further… and then I forgot about it. (After all, there was much more left to the concert!) The next time I heard/saw it, was when I was working out at the healthclub. The TV’s there had the video on — and it features Jeremy Mayfield and his journey into NASCAR as an independant owner (although, some might say he’s still “drowning” since the recent allegations of Meth use on his part — I’m hoping it’s not true, I kind of liked him as a driver.)
Well, I got to listening to the song a number of times and thought I should really look up the lyrics. Here’s the chorus…
I’ve gone too far to turn aroundIt’s hard to reach for youwhen I’m lying face downI can’t relieve my soulI’m lost in a momentLying face down.
I think the reason that this affected me so strongly this weekend was because of the lack of discretion on my part of what I ate this weekend. I *HAVE* come too far to turn around and go back to my old life of eating fast food or pizza or snacks VERY often. But like any journey, you must reach the bottom — lying face down perhaps — and realize that you need to be real with everyone around you. To be concious of what you are saying versus doing. To live what you are saying.
Friday night was particularly hard for me. I had WAY too much to eat… and just didn’t know why I was doing it all. So I started writing in a journal I had laying close by. Soon enough, I was writing things that I hadn’t even thought about for a while… and ended the post with the following…
“God what do you want for me? What do you want me to change? How do you want me to move forward? Do you want me to move? If so, where? Do you have a new job/career in store for my life? Who do you want me to marry? What traits do you want him to have? Or is marriage not in my future? What is the next step for my weight loss journey? Do you want me to write this book?Guide me Lord, guide me in a way that I know it’s your path… it’s your river that I’m on. I feel like I’m lost. I feel like I’m on the outside of life looking in… and missing out on something. Show me Lord what’s next. Amen.”
I’m going to keep praying this as my prayer before I read the Bible… as I am working (it’s been written on an index card for me to take with me)… or simply said, as I am living life.
I think I’ve been trying to re-gain control of a lot of things in my life once again — and just need to surrender it all, surrender to HIM, and pray that I find the direction, the guy, the life, the place, the everything that HE has planned for me.
Something strange…
Dec 4th
First, as promised from yesterday morning – my weigh in results. I had a small gain from last month — but that brought me to my goal weight EXACTLY… so I am good to go for the month of December. My eating yesterday definitely showed the stress that I am under at work (I caved and went to Wendy’s for lunch… blamed it on my need for caffeine). Today is going to be better. I’m going to make it that way!!!
So onto the “something strange” that happened to me yesterday…
Yesterday I was working on my Bible memory project for church that I’m hoping to start up in the new year. Toward the end of this, I started looking up very random chapters of the Bible trying to “fill in” (for lack of a better phrase) my list of the alphabet.
Before I continue on with my story — let me say, while I *love* reading and spending time in the Bible and am familiar with many things within it, I by no means am a scholar and typically can’t find passages I’m looking for right away. I truly believe that’s why God created Bible Gateway. Seriously.
Well, I start by looking up “Colossians 3″ trying to find a verse that starts with the ones I’m still missing on my list. Didn’t find anything there, so I decide to move on to Ephesians… and choose chapter 5. Still nothing. But found a very interesting correlation between these 2 chapters. They both talk about marriage. Hmmmm…
Once again, I should back up a little. In the past week or two, I’ve told a number of people (as well as on this blog yesterday) that 1) I’m not going to start dating anyone during the holidays… it’s already a stressful time of the year, why add on to it – right? OR 2) I’m giving up on men altogether. I’m just not going to get married at all. It’s just not worth it.
The second of the 2 “decisions” was based on a number of interactions from guys/men in my life recently… and just don’t want to have that negativity or downward talk in my life on a regular basis. Because of this, I just swore off men altogether — it’s just not worth it when all you really want/need is a hug.
Anyway… so I’m finding it all a little bit “funny” to say the least that I accidently looked up these two passages… and wondering if God was behind it all along — speaking to me. After all, He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere. And for this one little moment in time, maybe -just maybe-He was right here by me… telling me to not make silly snap-judgement decisions once again.
I’m thinking God is laughing at me… and I’m not sure what’s going to happen here. All I know is that I’m looking out for a “brick from above” to hit me across the head one of these days. I’ve been asking for a sign as to what’s going to happen in my future… and maybe I’ve been ignoring it somehow.
At this point, I’m going to “keep on, keeping on” because I know that God will make himself known to me. Even if it is with an actual brick.
Sietas Scripture Recap…
Dec 2nd
So in the past few months I’ve been trying to learn (or re-learn) scripture passages with the Siesta’s over at the LPM blog. Because December is a crazy month… I decided that I am not memorizing anything new — but rather review all that I have memorized (or gotten close to memorizing) and work on all of them over the next month.
I’m also working on a new project for the women’s ministries at my church to start a Bible memorization program — I’m thinking about including a “devotion” with each as well… so it could be more of a “study” format. If everything comes together, the first one should be ready on the first Sunday of the year (January 4). I’m really feeling great about this project and am quite excited about it!
So with that… today I am doing a “recap” of the verses I’ve memorized over the past few months.
And here is the link to a number of other verses that I have pondered/read/meditated on through-out the year.
So there you have it. I started memorizing scripture in 2009… and am thinking that 2010 will be the year that I accomplish reading the Bible in a year — or in 90 days!
I’ve been blogging…
Nov 22nd
You may have noticed some minor changes to the blog when you’ve visited tonight… or you may have visited while it was in progress. Sorry about the disruptions if you experienced them.
Beyond changing the template and some other little things here, I was writing a couple of blog posts. Just as I was about to hit “publish”, I realized how personal they were. Not that I don’t want all of you to know my feelings… but one of them was all too personal. Why I’m telling you this is beyond me… outside of the fact that you might think this lame-o post was what I had actually written.
In light of what is said above… some of what the blog was about once again focused on self-image. I’ve come to realize in the past few weeks (again) how much my confidence is linked from my old self to my new self. I still carry some…er, many… of the issues that I dealt with when I was overweight. There are times that I still think the way that I thought back then.
So with that, maybe someday I will actually hit “publish” and give you a glimpse into what I’m feeling today… and this weekend. It’s been a very good weekend — I can’t complain about any of it because it’s been fun and relaxing — but it’s also been mentally draining to me. I’ve been thinking non-stop about something that I have to make a decision on… and I’m not sure it’s right yet. I’ve cried out to God about it… but still feel as lost as I did when this started just before the weekend.
I know I don’t put this out there often… but please pray for peace for me and what’s been bugging me. That God will show me (without any doubt) what should be done or if I should leave well enough alone. Thanks so much my friends!
Cobain’s in my head…
Nov 20th
Strange thing happened this morning. I saw a quote by Kurt Cobain that really struck me.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
This quote is really good. But I really can’t get over that it was from Cobain. It seems so ironic that he said it. I will not deny that he was a very talented man & performer… I even have some of the Nirvana collection on my iPod. But he was also a very troubled person, leading eventually to his untimely death 15 years ago. His band skyrocketed to the national music scene only 3-4 years before this… and I can only imagine the changes that he went through, not only in his lifestyle, but in trying to find a new mindset in all of it.
I guess the reason that it struck me so strongly this morning is because I have been wanting my life to be different than what (obviously) God’s plan is for me. The strange thing though for me lately is that I now want so many different things out of my life — to see and experience different things around the world, but yet have a sudden and very strong desire to have a family and a life that I have never imagined myself having before this.
This is leading me to say that I am conflicted right now. Or maybe I am still just fighting with God on what *I* want versus what *HE* wants for my life. I am confused because I feel like I am missing out on something that is right in front of me, but I can’t seem to get a grasp on it. I am tired because my mind keeps racing about the “what could have beens” of my youth… the days that I was grossly overweight and scared to do anything. I am nervous because I want to see God move in my life, but don’t know how this is going to happen or where it will lead.
As a friend reminded me on my facebook page this morning… “If you don’t get out of the boat, you won’t walk on the water. Trust Him.”
I just wish I knew what side of the boat I was getting out on right now…
I love Scripture Memory…
Nov 15th
I really do… however as a kid, needing to memorize scripture for school was the worst. I couldn’t stand it. I think the parents got more out of it at the time than us kids did. But I digress…
Because I have committed to learning scripture 2 times a month with The LPM Blog, I am here to report my verse that I am going to put in my memory bank… to think about and ponder… to simply know.
Now I’m pretty sure that I memorized this one in the NIV version, but after hearing it as part of the Esther Bible study we are doing, I wanted to also commit the King James Version to memory.
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
~Isaiah 40:31 KVJ
Have you started learning scripture recently??? Have you considered it???
