Or Valentine’s Day to the common world. I really don’t like this holiday — not because I don’t have a significant other — but because if you love someone you should celebrate this EVERYDAY, not just one day a year. But it’s still hard, not only for singles (like myself) but for those that can’t be with the ones they love because they are in the military — or maybe because their loved one has passed away.

What makes this “holiday” even more fun is that many on Facebook are sharing details about their love and significant others this week… this is what the typical message is like.

“It’s Valentine’s Week on Facebook! ♥ (Change your profile picture to a picture of you with your significant other and tell us how long you have been together.)”

Not that I don’t want to wish my friends and their spouses/significant others well — I do — but to hear about it over and over and over and over is REALLY hard when you haven’t even been asked on a date in just about 11 months… and haven’t had a decent date in over a year.

But instead of focusing on the negatives (which I have for far too long here…) I am going to focus on the positives of this holiday.

• I don’t have to share my bed.
• I can get up whenever I’d like because no one else is making noise.
• I have an entire walk-in closet to myself.
• I can do laundry when and how I want… and put it away whenever I feel like it.
• I can go out with friends without checking if someone else has plans.
• I can watch what I want on television.
• I can eat what I want… when I want it.
• I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s bad financial decisions.
• I can go on vacation where I want to — and not have to worry about getting 2 airline seats together.
• I can heat the house however I would like.
• I have no one to clean up after… except myself (which does tend to be a chore).
• I can listen to whatever I want while driving.
• I don’t have to worry about the toilet seat being left up… unless I have visitors.

So there’s my list thus far… any more suggestions??

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

Yes, I realize it’s been a week since I posted my last blog. It’s been quite the week for me — and inspiration was lacking — I apologize. But as I said, exciting things happened this week {I became an aunt} and you’ll see much more soon! Oh yeah, and I have a plan about blogs coming daily once again. Hopefully the inspiration will continue after today. HA!

Today I had to tell you about what I’ve been seeing lately. I’m finding the {specifically placed} ads on the websites that I’ve been visiting absolutely hilarious. Really, it’s just Facebook and Gmail. I’ve know for a while that gmail (my e-mail provider) sifts through my e-mail messages to find and provide ads to me that are relevant to what I’m writing to my friends (and other people about.) At times it makes me laugh because some of the “key words” that they pick out have NOTHING to do with the actual meaning of what I or friends are writing about.

Then there’s Facebook. I’ve suspected for a while that they’ve been picking up the same types of things for their ads… but it was overwhelmingly put in front of me a few weeks ago when everything said “AGE 32: ” with their ad. Yeah, thanks for reminding me every minute while I’m online (not that I have a problem with my age) that I’m 32. But apparently 32 year olds get special coupons to Victoria’s Secret. Who knew!?!?

Well, the other night I’m inputting my status update — trying to decide what kind of excitement in my life that I want to share with my “friends” out in Facebook-land. Then I see the ad to the right. The part that killed me was the first line — literally I was laughing out loud! — was the “Stop dating heathens!” part.

Yeah… because that’s what’s stopping me from being in a successful, loving, healthy relationship.

It’s the heathens.

*todays lyric title: Paula Abdul – “Cold Hearted”

First, as promised from yesterday morning – my weigh in results. I had a small gain from last month — but that brought me to my goal weight EXACTLY… so I am good to go for the month of December. My eating yesterday definitely showed the stress that I am under at work (I caved and went to Wendy’s for lunch… blamed it on my need for caffeine). Today is going to be better. I’m going to make it that way!!!

So onto the “something strange” that happened to me yesterday…

Yesterday I was working on my Bible memory project for church that I’m hoping to start up in the new year. Toward the end of this, I started looking up very random chapters of the Bible trying to “fill in” (for lack of a better phrase) my list of the alphabet.

Before I continue on with my story — let me say, while I *love* reading and spending time in the Bible and am familiar with many things within it, I by no means am a scholar and typically can’t find passages I’m looking for right away. I truly believe that’s why God created Bible Gateway. Seriously.

Well, I start by looking up “Colossians 3″ trying to find a verse that starts with the ones I’m still missing on my list. Didn’t find anything there, so I decide to move on to Ephesians… and choose chapter 5. Still nothing. But found a very interesting correlation between these 2 chapters. They both talk about marriage. Hmmmm…

Once again, I should back up a little. In the past week or two, I’ve told a number of people (as well as on this blog yesterday) that 1) I’m not going to start dating anyone during the holidays… it’s already a stressful time of the year, why add on to it – right? OR 2) I’m giving up on men altogether. I’m just not going to get married at all. It’s just not worth it.

The second of the 2 “decisions” was based on a number of interactions from guys/men in my life recently… and just don’t want to have that negativity or downward talk in my life on a regular basis. Because of this, I just swore off men altogether — it’s just not worth it when all you really want/need is a hug.

Anyway… so I’m finding it all a little bit “funny” to say the least that I accidently looked up these two passages… and wondering if God was behind it all along — speaking to me. After all, He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere. And for this one little moment in time, maybe -just maybe-He was right here by me… telling me to not make silly snap-judgement decisions once again.

I’m thinking God is laughing at me… and I’m not sure what’s going to happen here. All I know is that I’m looking out for a “brick from above” to hit me across the head one of these days. I’ve been asking for a sign as to what’s going to happen in my future… and maybe I’ve been ignoring it somehow.

At this point, I’m going to “keep on, keeping on” because I know that God will make himself known to me. Even if it is with an actual brick.

I’m not talking about the Orange soda today (although, it does bring back memories of grandma’s house and drinking soda from cans that were well past when they should have been used…) but rather whether or not it is ok for me to *HAVE* a crush on a guy.

Yup, it’s true… and no, I’m not saying who it is… or whether anyone I know has any regular contact with this particular interest. Just saying that he’s out there. And wondering if I should get the guts up to do something about it.

I’ve only really “taken a chance” once — and it really did end up being a good experience (although in hindsight, not very many wise decisions were made on my part that day)… and while I have no contact with that guy any longer, I learned a few things about myself.

I learned that I am courageous, but still want to be “swept off my feet”. I learned that I am strong, but yet can be disppointed even when I don’t expect to be. I learned that I can have fun with something/someone without it really going anywhere, but also know that I don’t want that for my life.

I know God has a plan for my life and my relationships. And everyone tells me that I will know it when I meet the guy I’m supposed to be with. But I’ve only heard of one situation that “MR. RIGHT” actually showed up on someone’s front porch. True story. It actually happened to a very good friend of mine. But I don’t think it’s going to work that way for me… which means that something must be done. Action must be taken.

So here I am… been thinking about this post for a couple of days now… wondering if I will once again have the guts to act on this crush. Wondering if I do act on it and talk to him, how responsive he will be. And for that matter… especially not knowing for sure if he is dating someone currently. Yeah, that wouldn’t be embarrassing AT.ALL.

I sit, ponder, wait and wonder… and pray about it — because that’s the only thing really keeping my sanity about the whole thing.

…and yes, I’ve also been told that if I forget about everything to do with relationships (i.e. focus on something else in life), that’s when it’s going to happen. Hmmm… so much to ponder, so much to think about…

Today started out a normal, uneventful day. I went to Weight Watchers for my weigh in… and apparently gained back 1/2 of what I lost about 2 weeks ago (boo!) so now I am back to tracking and watching my sale intake. To be honest, I kind of knew the gain was going to happen. After all, I did splurge more than I typically do most weekends. Planning to get a workout in Friday AM, Saturday AM… then maybe try a weigh in on Sunday noon again if things are controlled until then. Not to mention that an extra meeting might not be so bad for me too.

Work is going well… I’m very busy – which is good for an investment management office right now – or at least that’s what I think. Don’t get me wrong though… while I am busy – I apparently have had some serious ADD issues lately as I get SUPER distracted from things and then projects that have been started sit unfinished… even though I had planned to complete them weeks ago. I think this all has to do with the fact that I’m still tired (but who isn’t!) and that really I need to take a good hard look at what I’ve been eating (and how much!) during the day.

For my lunch hour, I had a plan to go pick up the book “Julie & Julia” from the library (which I did) because I saw the movie recently. Of course as I walked over there in the gorgeous sunshine and warm temperatures (finally!) I decided that I would definitely sit in the park to start reading it. As I walked to the park, something profound occurred to me. My birthday is in 3 weeks. I will be 32. Yikes.

Why this hits me so hard today… enough to make me want to cry… sob even… is beyond me (but I was at work, so of course I couldn’t be a blubbering idiot!) I have accomplished so much, and have so much to look forward to… but as I sit in the park – trying to read – all I see around me is couples. And it reminds me again that I have no significant other to wish me a happy birthday this year. No one to surprise me with a party, an improptu lunch visit, or even a card in the mail. I really don’t think I am asking for much… but I feel like I am asking for the world.

I trust that it will happen… but then my mind wanders… what if it doesn’t. What if I don’t ever have a long term relationship? What if I don’t get to have a beautiful wedding… showers, ceremony, honeymoon and all? What if I don’t have someone to travel around the corner or to far away places with? What if I don’t have someone to hug me when times are happy or sad?

What if, what if, what if.

Many of you know that I tried (and seemingly failed at) the online dating thing. It was definitely an experience and maybe, in another time in my life, I might try it again. But for now, I’m using the remaining months of my “free” access to find the best & most humorous profiles to post – all while keeping these poor guys as anonymous as possible. I also have not changed or altered the grammer in any way – each is from the “About me & my Date” section of this dating site.

Here are a couple of “gems” to get you started for the week. I hope you enjoy!

Milwaukee, WI – 37 years old

nice, smart man seeking a nice cool, reliable, caring, tender, cute girl to get to know better befriends, be together and enjoy the things life have to offer. 34/m/milwaukee, brown eyes, black hair. I am outgoing, I love to have fun, love sports particularly volleyball, i am also a hard worker, and also love to socialise. I drink socially and do not smoke, however smoking does not disturb me.

If you’ve had your profile on here for 3 years, you might consider – once in a while, just for fun – looking it over and seeing if there’s anything that should be changed. Like your age. That is all.

Jenison, MI – 30 years old

A woman who loves to travel to the UP or to Europe and can live in a Hotel Eight or a tent with an outhouse I would like to see if she would also be a woman who could laugh at any situation during the serious point in life, and little times when no one is watching. If you are looking for a romatic guy, I’m not him. I don’t enjoy personal displays of affection instead I take a more subtle approach that dosen’t always work.

Seriously… I think this is a joke.

Fargo, ND – 29 years old

I like a girl that takes care of her self… One that works out is very sexy. I’m a sucker for tan tone legs. Smart and someone with a sense of humor is a huge plus. So.. sound like u? Lets go get some ice cream and see where it leads.

Once again… has to be a joke. Really tan girls in North Dakota? BTW… this guy’s profile picture is of him sleeping on his (or maybe a buddies?) couch.

Burlington, IA – 28 years old

I just had to post this humorous profile pic.

Texarkana, AR – 34 years old

Not scared to laugh and practical joke, outdoors type , love to snuggle under a blanket. Wanta best friend and life long partner. Not into games. Either u like me or u dont! Im not scared to take charge and make decisions but dont wana be shuned for makin my choices after you couldnt make up your mind! lol! Love racing and anything to do with a car or motorcycle. Huge deer hunter and yes i chase turkeys too! haha can you? Lol

What does one do to chase Turkeys? Maybe I should ask. But anyway…….

So these are some options. Not very good ones for me, but options none the less. I have learned a lot about myself in the process… especially about how I should describe myself. Because I am a great person… and I know that God has someone out there for me. For now, I will just surrender this and let things happen as they may… or may not.

So this past week pretty much sucked on the dating and food fronts. As you read last week, the guy I kinda had a crush on cancelled 2 times in 3 days. Not cool.

So anyway – this really put me in a funk about guys in general. I even posted on my Facebook page that “Julie thinks boys are stupid… we should throw rocks at them.” However, about 10 minutes later, I did put the caveat that dad’s and brother’s (most of the time) are exempt from this treatment. And to be honest, it actually gave me some sort of control back in my life. I don’t know how or why, but it did.

Then as I wrote Friday night, I changed up everything in my living room. This gave me a sense that things in my life could continue to change and I can *really* just go with the flow. (If you know me at all… I am a PLANNER… and not really a “fly by the seat of my pants” kinda girl.)

And then Sunday rolled around. It was a good morning… writing out what God’s been doing in my life and church was great as well. But then the afternoon hit. And I ate. And ate. And ate. I sat there wondering what was wrong with me… why no one wanted to date me. What am I doing wrong that seems to send guys away from me faster than a speeding bullet.

The thoughts and feelings just wouldn’t go away and I really didn’t know how to control them. The Easter candy that was in the house (that was to be saved for Easter) disappeared. Cereal was eaten… directly from the box (not a good thing for measuring portions – not that I was counting anyway.) I don’t even think one of the Weight Watcher’s Good Healthy Guidelines was eaten or complete. Well, maybe the water… but I’m a camel apparently.

Somehow I made it through Sunday… and Monday morning rolled around. Miraculously I got a good night sleep but then (cue the music) dah dah duh… I looked at the number on the scale. I was mortified. I was up 4 pounds from my goal weight in about 3 weeks. And I can honestly say much of that was because I ate due to feeling sorry for myself.

One of the first things I did after that was sign up for the Weight Watcher’s e-tools for 3 months again. I needed commitment and I am taking control. Sometimes it’s not about what you put in your mouth, but what you do immediately (or maybe the next day) after.

Since putting my money where my mouth is, I have been on plan for 3 days now. And the scale has been nice to me once again. I’m keeping going and have actually set a BRAND NEW GOAL for myself… I want to reach my 175 pounds off (from the first day I walked into Weight Watchers). This will put me well below goal and allow me to tone up and hopefully lose some more fat/gain more muscle mass.

And while I fit into the size 8 jeans I own… I’m still struggling to fit into that size of the dress pants (well, of the ones I bought at least). So someday soon, I’ll fit into all these clothes. And maybe one of these days a guy will actually notice me too. Maybe I’ll get a date. Maybe.

Oops. I got a little busy yesterday – and well, the daily blog didn’t happen. I’ll need to make it a double blog day today – but segment #2 probably won’t happen until after my double workout tonight. I am really starting to love these combo Zumba/GroupKick days. I just hope that I’m getting as good of a workout as what I think I am. But I digress…

So here’s the last question that came in during my plea a few weeks ago… and now I’m out. Next Monday I will either have to come up with one on my own – or you all could be sweet enough to submit some additional questions. I did change my “comment” settings yesterday – so now I believe everyone can post comments (I thought that’s how I had it set). So yeah, I just ask –PLEASE – don’t be anonymous. I like to know who is out there talking to me.

Anyway… cybeel asked “What is the naughtiest thing you wanna do to a man when he makes you sad or jealous or desperate?”

I wish I had more dating experience to give a better answer – but based on some recent experiences last week… I want to (and probably will) ignore him. I want to turn off to that person and not communicate any feelings whatsoever and just go into a “cocoon” of loneliness. And actually this would probably be ignoring everyone around me, not just him. So I guess if you all see that I’m not blogging – you know that something major like this happened!

I don’t know if that qualifies as “naughty” but it’s definitely not a healthy thing to do.

What are some of your naughty things that you want to do when your significant other makes you sad/jealous/desperate???

Ok… I guess it’s a double blog day… happy april one.

Since I’m all about sharing lately, I thought I would share with you all why I *hate* (and I don’t use that word lightly in this case) April Fool’s Day. Yes, I truly **HATE** this day in general – and today is no different. I really should turn this into “Julie’s Dark Day” (similar to Luke’s Dark Day on the show “Gilmore Girls”) where I disappear from civilization and don’t communicate with anyone about anything. However, that’s not at all productive… so therefore I went to work, got a lot of crap done, went to get some much needed groceries, and came home. And now I’m blogging. Next I’m taking some sort of concoction of drugs and will be sleeping through the night.

Here’s why today is not my favorite day…

April First signifies a somewhat “happy” day for me… it’s 1/2 way to my birthday for the year. Yay… or, just another reminder that I’m closer to another year older – and not seemingly any closer to goals or aspirations that I want to have for myself (besides in my weight loss journey). Not to mention, no closer to having a significant other to celebrate with either. (More on that to come…)

April One also reminds me of the day 16 years ago that my grandpa (my mom’s dad) was in a horrible car accident… which changed his & my grandma’s lives forever. Of course the ripple effects of this also changed the lives of our entire family as a whole as well. Not only was he in some kind of hospital/care facility for a month, but his care needs after that changed drastically. He passed away a few years ago and I am grateful for the extra years that we were able to spend with him (even though they were drastically different from the years before the accident.) Even though he didn’t pass away on this date… he wasn’t the same grandpa that I knew before. Part of me thinks that this is actually the day I started my grieving for the loss in my life.

The first of April is also the day that my other grandfather (dad’s father) died – 11 years ago today. After learning that he passed away in the late afternoon, I proceeded to go to class (I still wish that I hadn’t). After class, on my way home, I drove around the Holland/Zeeland Area, past all of the places I knew that he lived. I guess it was my way of saying goodbye. And it was raining. Funny how you remember those little details…

Along with this post from last Monday, when I was thinking about my grandmother, I still wonder what each of them would think of what I have accomplished with my weight loss. I wonder what they would say. If I would be able to see the proud look in their eyes. I know everyone in my family is proud of me for the achievements that I have done… but I still wonder with these grandparents because the last memories I have with them is when I was VERY overweight. When I was very unhealthy. And I knew it. But I didn’t change anything.

Anyway…

Not only having all of that going through my head on this day – but add to it that I had been looking forward to going on a date tonight with a seemingly nice guy for about a week now. However, first he canceled on me for Monday (due to work related reasons…) then last night he sent me another e-mail saying that he’s losing his job at the end of the week and is preparing to move back to his hometown. Ok. I feel for him with the losing the job stuff – if it’s true – but I really feel like he was just stringing me along for the hell of it. So because of this craptastic dude, I’m in a mood about guys in general today… and because of this, I’ll probably overlook “the one” if he passes my way. Hopefully God knows better than to do this… that would be a cruel joke.

I hope you all had a better “April Fool’s Day” than I did.

I didn’t know…

…that there are now 3 stages of dating relationships. At least that’s what I was told last night. There is “Talking”, “Dating”, and “Exclusive”. So now on top of everything else in life, this is a new thing to stress about in a relationship… what “stage” are we at????

…that most (if not all) girls “imagine” or “fantasize” on what might happen on a date (conversation, holding hands, first kiss, etc.). I thought I was strange and the only one that did this. Glad to know once again that I am normal.

…that guys don’t “imagine” what might happen during the date – they make a plan on how to get their date into bed. And I asked around to A LOT of guys… this is seemingly true of all.

…that there is an entire section on Wikipedia dedicated to first dates. My questions… who is the nerd who came up with this section, is he/she actually dating – and who uses this as information??? (Ok… and why did I look it up in the first place!?!?!)

What are some things you didn’t know about dating that you learned recently?