As I was reading on Saturday, I didn’t want to put it down. I was intrigued. I was captivated. And I couldn’t believe that I had never read this before. I mean I had heard that Baalem’s donkey had talked, but I had no idea that he stopped and turned away from the road because of an angel.

I’ve known {for probably close to my entire life} that the Bible is God’s story of love to us. But I guess I didn’t realize how many facets of His love come through. The Israelites disobeyed at almost every opportunity they had. And while God wanted to destroy them, Moses reminded Him of the promise and love He had for His people.

It’s the same way for us today. I know I disappoint God so much. Too much. But yet, day in and day out, He forgives me. He allows me to live.

That is amazing.

So I’m trying my hardest to live for him. To live for what HE wants me to do in my life (because I know that He really DOES want me to be happy in the work that I am doing), to wait for HIS timing on finding my “prince charming” {now is NOT the right time for me to join the online world as mentioned last week}, and to continue to pray for where He is LEADING me next. At this point, as much as I would love to leave the West Michigan area and move somewhere new & exciting, I think there is a reason… a purpose… for me to be here, now.

I just have to be patient in finding out what that purpose is.

I’m hoping that by reading through the rest of this amazing book that I will see everything more clearly. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. There are times that I am really confused by things people say about my faith… and I’d like to at least know that something is written – or not written – about that topic. I’ve always wanted to “study” the Bible further… and I think this could be step one in that process (because this is simply reading the Bible, not a study.) At least now, as I’m reading, I can mark down things I want to look up later. Not to mention that I have already had an idea about a book and a bible study come from the reading.

That has to be a God thing… right?!?

Most of all I want to read and know the love story that God has for me. And I hope that He shows me more about how He loves me.

Because I really need that.

On a slightly different note… many of my friends that are reading the Bible in 90 days with me are well into 2nd Samuel today — and I believe probably reading about the life of David. But here I am… so far behind. I *have* to catch up. I *NEED* to catch up. In fact, I’m going to commit right here and now that I will not attend the twitter chat tonight unless I’ve finished Deuteronomy {as of this writing, I am only a couple of chapters in.} Yes, I am *that* far behind. Hopefully I can take some time tonight, tomorrow night and Wednesday night to really devote myself back into this. If I don’t, I’m really afraid that I will give up… and I just can’t have that.

So how are you doing with your journey through the Bible in 90 days?

Finally — I’m guest posting for Tammy @ Nurse’s Notes today about Living in the Storms. Be sure to go check it out!

Beginning a journey always takes preparation. Always takes a lot of thought. And it takes a lot of dedication.

So I set out on reading the Bible in 90 days 2 weeks ago.

The first few days went GREAT. I chose to read simply for that day only – not ahead as I could have done. I was enjoying what I was reading, what I was learning. And God placed some pretty big things on my heart in those few days. Things that I’m still praying about, things I’m still pondering and things that I know I need to write more about.

But then the weekend came along. I had a hard workout on that Saturday morning – outside in the HOT weather, which then proceeded to cause migraine-like headaches. All I really wanted to do was to sleep or keep my eyes closed as much as possible. I tried to read, but it only made things worse…

So I fell two days behind in my reading.

The following week was my brother’s wedding. Early in the week I had some preparation things that I had to finish up, so I didn’t read the whole portions for each day…

So I fell another two days behind in the readings.

Then arrived the days for the rehearsal and wedding. Two days that were filled with time spent with the bride, her family, my family… all enjoying each other’s company, sharing and loving each other with the time we shared. And I brought along my Bible to many events, but never read a word…

So I fell yet another two days behind.

By the time I picked up my Bible this past Saturday, I was feeling defeated. A little sad that I now had to read a week’s worth of the Bible in 90 days just to catch up. And in that moment, a moment of feeling overwhelmed, I didn’t do what I should have. Instead of praying for help to even read a little, I set my Bible back down and picked up my computer…

And fell a full week behind in my readings.

Sunday morning arrived with bright sunshine streaming into my windows awakening me from a slumber that was far too short. {Note to self: must go to bed earlier on Saturday nights.} So I got up and decided to go to the early service at my church. The pastor spoke about God’s anger and our anger… and it reminded me of the reading I had finished the week before in Exodus. Days of when Moses spent time on Mount Sinai with God and the Israelites became restless and created their own idols. 

And it reminded me of the day before. The day I put the Bible down to spend time on the computer and in front of the television. And I became a little angry at myself for not having my priorities right.

So when I arrived home from church, I picked up my Bible and began reading Leviticus. Even with a few breaks in my reading time on Sunday, I made it into Numbers – through the details of the law and how to transport the ark of the covenant.

While I am not caught up yet… I have made progress – and a lot of it. And not only that, but I’ve been encourage since then by my mentor, Jolanthe, as well as Amy from Mom’s Toolbox {the facilitator} and from all of my friends completing this journey with me (you can follow along with us on twitter with #B90days).

Even though I am still less than a month into the journey – and still about 4 days behind in my readings – I have been completely blessed.

And I will catch up. There’s no doubt about it.

Trust is a big thing for me. I’m not sure when it became an issue in my life, but I know that by middle school it affected most of my friendships. I didn’t trust the friends that I had. In fact, I probably didn’t have the greatest friends to begin with… I was always the one in the group that –as I would call it now – was the responsible one, the level headed one. This continued into high school – and then my college years – to the point where I alienated almost everyone around me.

I am blessed now to have a handful of close friends, enough to count on my fingers in fact. These are the friends that I trust. These are the friends that I know I can count on and I know I can call if I feel like my life is falling apart.

But for some reason, I haven’t been trusting God like that. I don’t know why.

The day before beginning this 90 day journey through the Bible, I wrote out some thoughts… a prayer really… that God show me who He is, so that I can TRUST Him. So I asked this… “In so many ways, I’m asking God to show me what He wants in my life – but in truth, I really NEED Him to show me who He is and that I can trust Him.”

Now fast forward to Day 2 of the reading. A couple of pages into it, I begin reading about Lot being rescued from Sodom & Gomorrah – and when his wife was turned to a pillar of salt.

“When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them.” (Genesis 19:16)

“By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land.” (Genesis 19:23)

“But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.” (Genesis 19:26)

In all the times that I have read this story, I never realized – or maybe I had been taught the Sunday School version of the lesson that well – that Lot was the first to hesitate. The men sent by God grabbed his hands for him to continue on. The other thing I learned was that Lot and his family had already reached another city before God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah. Lot’s wife didn’t look back on the road or during the journey… but rather after they had arrived at their next destination.

A couple of quick chapters later came the story of Rebekah leaving her home to become Isaac’s wife. Her family had begged for her to stay a few more days, but she agreed to go to a new country and start a new life… without looking back. (Genesis 24:55-61)

What did I learn from this?

In the journey that I am on… or maybe a new one that I am coming to… God is taking my hands and helping me to move forward. To not hesitate with what His plan is for my life and trust him enough that I shouldn’t look back. I need the courage of Rebekah through whatever this next phase is.

But the question comes back to me… do I have enough trust in Him that I can do this?

I hope so. Because I really want to see what’s next.

Do you have enough trust that you wouldn’t look back?

Today I started reading the Bible in 90 days. I’ll admit it, it’s not as easy as I thought day one was going to be — especially since I had done this (albeit short) part of the journey before. I thought it would be a quick 45 minutes of reading followed by breakfast.

That’s not what it was like at all.

I seemingly struggled through every word, every phrase, simply trying to read. But instead every minute or so, I became distracted with other things… not the things around me, but rather thoughts in my head. Thoughts that were crazy and totally unrelated to the reading… thoughts of who “The Nephililium” were (Gen 6:4) and why I had never heard of them before… thoughts of Nimrod taking over the known world and what that must have been like (Gen 10:8-12)… thoughts of being able to watch birds of prey trying to get the carcasses that Abram had just laid out – and Abram driving them away (Gen 15:11).

I know today is the first of many days ahead that I will be distracted by the things in life. But I am going to be much more diligent in my prayers that God calm my thoughts and allow His word to penetrate deep within me.

Just about a year ago I had started this journey, and made it into Leviticus or Numbers before “throwing in the towel.” I’m going to make it the whole way this time. I’m going to rely on my mentors help and direction… I’m going to check in each week with Amy at Mom’s Toolbox… I will support from friends (like you) that I’ve “met” on twitter or from reading your blogs (and in turn, I will support and pray for each of you!)… and I’m going to pray that God show me himself in new ways. I’m going to try to blog about some of what I’ve learned, either about myself or new things God is showing me within His word… but I can’t promise that they’ll be regular. Although maybe I’ll surprise myself.

I’m off now for the weekly check-in with Amy @ Mom’s Toolbox — once you’ve completed the reading, don’t forget to do that!! And if you are still contemplating the idea of signing up, there’s still time. Go check out this information and prayerfully consider it. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.

Even through the struggles that I went through today, I was blessed in remembering stories that I had not read in a year. I was blessed in remembering that God will provide when he makes promises. And I am blessed in knowing that there are 300+ individuals reading the same passages that I am daily… and that are praying for me to continue through this journey as well.

How did the first day go for you? Are you struggling already like me?