Ready to feel normal…

Over the last few months it’s become increasingly apparent to me that I’m not feeling “normal”. I mean all you have to do is read some historical posts on my blog to know that somewhere in this journey my tone changed. My outlook changed.

I may have collapsed a little. {Or maybe a lot}

But so many friends came to surround me. Came to support me. Came to love me.

With the support of these friends, I was encouraged to talk to my therapist about what was happening. To talk to a doctor. To find answers.

And today, hopefully, I might walk out of the doctors office with a solution.

I didn’t want to add “another” pill to the mix. So I sought out alternatives. I searched the internet… read the Bible… prayed that this feeling would go away.

But it never did.

I still want to cry all the time. I still want to stick my head in the {proverbial} sand and not look at what else life might be throwing my way. I still want to sleep whenever I don’t have a commitment to be at.

I know something has to change.

So I’ve asked to start on some anti-depressants. I think it’s the next step. But it might not be the final step.

Hopefully it’s going to help me feel more on top of things. Hopefully it will give me the desire to accomplish a task without crying about how overwhelming it is {no matter how big or small.} Hopefully it will change my outlook on life… even just a little.

I’ve wondered for a couple weeks if this shift in my mood has anything to do with the weight I’ve gained back. With me starting the journey again today (yes!) I hope that this doesn’t hold me back… but either way, I’m ready for the journey again. Just hopefully getting to my goal weight this time won’t be quite so long.

I’m also really hoping that by taking this next step that the words I need to say to myself come much easier and quicker.

And I believe them.