This week for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop I am bearing all again. I really don’t like doing this more than once a week. Actually I guess some would say that I’m bearing my soul quite a bit here lately… with the exception of my Twitter Thought Tuesdays. 
2.) What are your confessions? (inspired by Usher)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I’m going to therapy…
I’ve been trying to work through some things in my life – and it’s been reflected here quite a bit. Some of you can identify with me… and some of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking what in the world is she talking like this again?!? I understand… I hate being so negative – or maybe it’s more introspective – about things in my life all the time. It might continue for a while. But know that I’m healing.
I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned by everyone…
This fear is something I’ll probably write more about in the future… but it’s been something I’ve thought about a lot in the last couple days. I had an experience in high school that has {kind of / more or less / really} shaped who I am and what I believe about myself. And it all has to do with friends that left me high and dry in high school. People that wanted nothing to do with me anymore. And it still hurts.
I only write well when I’m tired…
I truly believe that I was meant to live a nocturnal life sometimes. I write some of my best blog posts at 2 or 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep. Or at 10am after I feel like I’ve been up all night.
I’ve gained some of the weight back…
I hate admitting this one. I still tell people that I’ve lost 160 pounds. But it’s not that anymore. Not near that. And I’ve really got to figure out how to get back on track with this eating right thing. Because right now, with what I’m doing, I’m never going to be back at goal again. Which leads me to…
I’m not proud of me…
So often I have people tell me how proud that they are of me for losing the weight… losing 160 pounds in a healthy way with Weight Watchers. But I’m not proud of me. I think it’s because I’m seeing my faults – and only my faults.
My worst fear is fire…
I have no idea why – outside of the fire drills in class or maybe smoke detectors going off at home when mom or dad was cooking – but I’ve always been afraid of fire. Afraid that it’s going to consume me. Afraid that I’m not going to get out. Just afraid.
I’m afraid that the windshield of my car will crack {or even more un-realistically, blow up or shatter} when I go through the dryer section of a car wash…
Seriously, maybe I should vlog myself going through a car wash sometime. You all would highly enjoy seeing me putting my face in my hands as to avoid any potential flying glass that may result from the pressure that comes from the dryers in those places. This also could explain why my car is *SO* dirty all the time.
So those are my confessions… what are yours???
I think that you’re an incredible brave person to share all of this with everyone and by going to therapy you’re making positive steps to dealing with and getting over your fears and negative feelings about yourself.
Here’s what I think… it’s hard to be upbeat and positive all the time. And I don’t always think of it as being negative. I think of it more as being real. And for that some call me negative as well.
I love that you shared all of this. I think it takes a strong person to even write this. I think you will find your pattern again with the weight loss/eating right/exercising. Everyone has ups and downs with that! I did the same prompt too but mine have more to do with motherhood- go figure.
Good for you for going to therapy and for admitting your “confessions.” Don’t worry about everyone else; you just do your thing, Julie! We all go through ups and downs in life.
hey! great post! i’m visiting from the writers workshop.
good for you for going to therapy, i am a counselor so of course a little biased, but seriously? who DOESNT need to improve or dig deeper to become a healthier person?
Therapy is an awesome thing and not everyone is brave enough to put it out there!
I have the same fear of abandonment….and I had the same thing happen to me in middle school….my father had died and I couldn’t afford all the “in” clothes and such so they told me they didn’t want me to be friends with them or hang out with them anymore! Friends I had since kindergarten! So now I still have this weird fight or flight thing that usually results in flight! I fight it all the time!
And can I just say that you are amazingly beautiful in every way! I am so glad that I was able to spend time with you at SF BBC!
Thank you for being so open and honest with us! You have inspired me to post.
I’m proud of you, both for going to therapy, and for letting the world know. I’ve JUST now cut back to every 2 weeks, instead of every week. Like you, I have LOADS of things to work on, much of which stems back many, many years.
Love you!
#1 I love that you can write this way and publish it. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
#2 You are super strong. Identifying what’s bothering you only to keep charging ahead just makes you stronger!
#3 I think a lot of us have some of these same exact issues to work through. It’s all about focusing on the things that make you happy and GIVING YOURSELF A BREAK on some of the other stuff already.
#4 Someone texted this to me THIS MORNING and I just wanted to share it with you. Interpret it in whatever way suits you best: “When it’s over, it’s not who you were, it’s whether you made a difference. And I think you make a big difference.”
#5
xoxo
Ok, first I have to say that I love that you did an “unfinished” list on my blog comments.
And then I have to say, I love what you had to say. We’ll talk soon!
[...] The one about True Confessions. [...]