When my life becomes a crazy mess of all things pushed together… I fall apart. Literally. Remember what all I said I was going to do a month ago? Well, let’s just say it’s all come together in one bit pile o’ poo. {At least I said it nicely.} 
And with that… I fell apart last week.
I tried to hold it together. I tried to make it all work. I tried to be everything to myself – and all of my online friends at the same time.
Because I truly want to meet each and every one of them.
I have been so overwhelmed with things in my life that I forced myself to make a very difficult decision. A decision about something that I’ve been looking forward to. A decision that I know will disappoint some people and will likely start people talking about me behind my back. {I hate to say it, but I’m afraid it’s true.}
But now that this decision has been made, I have this incredible peace about the whole situation. It’s crazy how this feels… because I didn’t realize how anxious I had been before. How worked up I had been about the whole thing.
I think when you work too hard at something – or you believe it’s the right thing to do – you become blind to the fact that it might not be a healthy thing for you. It might be because you don’t want to change. Or maybe because you are looking forward to something with so much anticipation it almost consumes you. But sometimes it’s because you feel like it’s the safe option.
Sometimes you have to go against the flow – and really analyze what you want in life. Or rather, what you need out of life. And that’s what I finally did. I looked at what I wanted… or rather needed in my life, and had to make a decision to change something.
While the decision has been made that I will no longer be attending the Relevant Conference – I am still hoping that the friends that I know going to this amazing conference will keep in touch with me. That they will still love me, even though I won’t be able to meet them
I will likely sell my ticket to the conference –if you are interested in it, please e-mail me (dutchbeingme@gmail.com) and/or if I can sell enough cards (100 sets) I will hold up my commitment that I will sponsor someone to go, learn, grow and be blessed at this conference.
This was one of the hardest blog posts I’ve ever written because I’m afraid of disappointing people. But know that it isn’t due to anyone attending the conference, but rather over-extending myself on commitments that I’ve made… and needing to stop and rest for a bit too.
Blessings.
I… just wrote a whole comment that I deleted and will just say this: I cannot wait for lunch tomorrow. I disappointed people, was talked about behind my back, and felt TOTAL PEACE. All at once – very, very recently.
I’m sorry you had to write this, Julie. Letting go of something like that is hard, but the peace that comes when you know you’re making the best decision is priceless, isn’t it? Hugs, m
you have to make julie your #1 priority! so good for you for doing just that!
After reading, “I think when you work too hard at something – or you believe it’s the right thing to do – you become blind to the fact that it might not be a healthy thing for you. It might be because you don’t want to change. Or maybe because you are looking forward to something with so much anticipation it almost consumes you. But sometimes it’s because you feel like it’s the safe option.” I think I have some major reevaluating to do about a certain situation in my life. Thanks for that.
On the rest of your post….I just want you to know that I love you!! And that is all I have to say about that! =)
Julie, I’m sorry to see this. I know you were looking forward to going. (I follow you on Twitter.) If you are at peace then you know it’s the right thing to do. I’ve been in the same kind of boat before where I was helping plan an event and then backed out. No one talked about me they just told me I was missed. I’m looking forward to going to the event this year feeling good about going. Hopefully, you’ll be at a place next year that will allow you to visit Relevant.
Good for you drawing a line somewhere!!! We’ve had to start saying “no” to many things. While its hard to disappoint people, its better to take care of some thing on the home base first. In the long run, you will be stronger and more satisfied! Good for you!
While I’m sad that I won’t get to meet you in person, I am glad to hear that you have a peace about it ~ and that you are doing what you feel you should do.
Really proud of you Julie! It’s harder to say “no” than it is to say “yes” in most cases in life. You did the hard thing but it was the right thing for you, and that’s all that matters. I admire your ability to manage your stress effectively.
You have to do what you have to do! As long as you feel at peace about things, that’s all that matters.
I would TOTALLY buy the Relevant ticket from you, but I just don’t have the money (at least not right now). Between searching for a better job and trying to pay off some bills, I’m a bit strapped right now, as I’m sure most are.
Blessings to you! Praying that you find some peace and some rest in the coming days!
The more I read your blog, the more it hits home. I think we are a lot alike…we are YES girls. Yes girls who need to learn how to say no sometimes. I don’t know about you, but I know in a lot of relationships my yes’s have been more harmful than my no’s. It seems when we weigh our availability of commitment we bless others with a complete commitment, rather than a forced commitment or a broken commitment…does that make sense? In any case, those that are for you, want what’s best for you. Dig deep and know that no matter what God is ALWAYS for you. Praying for you!
If people are going to talk about you behind your back and stop being your friend because you had to cancel your trip to a conference then you should run. FAST! Run away from them faster than you’ve ever run before.
Friends are supportive and give us the encouragement we need when we have to make difficult decisions. It’s a conference. It’s not college. And, well, even then if you decide not to go it’s not the end of the world. So if you don’t get the support you need from these ‘friends’ then they’re not really friends and they should be kicked to the curb faster than a frat house couch.
I support your decision, regardless of the reason. I support you because you have decided this decision is best for you. Who am I to judge? Who are they to judge? And Relevant10? These are supposed to be Christian Women who live by the teaching of G-D. If they dare give you one ounce of grief, know that it is they who will be judged.
Only good things for you, Julie! And I’m so glad I finally got to meet you IRL!
Julie,
A true sign of character is being able to let go. The hardest decisions are the ones that make the most impact on journey through life. You did the right thing.
Can I tell you what this post makes me?
Proud.
Proud of you.
If someone is going to talk about you behind your back for doing what is right for you, than you don’t want them in your life anyway. Period.
Julie,
I love that you were able to recognize how you were feeling and then get to the bottom of it. Kudos to you for making your empowering decision.
You got skills, girl.
Susan
Ok- I’m going to put it how it is.
1. You have to do what is right for YOU always . No one else can tell you what that is or how you should act and what you should do. Only YOU know that.
2. Anyone who would make you feel bad about something like this (or anything really) that you feel lead to do and know its right for you, well, isn’t a true friend. True friends don’t talk behind your back, true friend’s don’t start drama, true friends, well love you no matter what, even when they are disappointed. True friends wouldn’t even THINK to act or think those ways.
3. You’re awesome.
<3 you!
Meghan