Happy to say that it’s Friday again… YAY! And happy to say that one of my questions was chosen for this week’s 5 question Friday with Mama M!!! Super YAY!!! 
So here’s the lowdown on me. Everything you wanted to know… and a little maybe too much information. That would be the kids question. I know. I’ll be waiting for your comments.
1.If you could, would you go back to high school?
I don’t think I would say yes to this. While I enjoyed my senior year and had AMAZING friends that year, there are too many negative things that happened to me in the first 3 years that I still struggle to work through. Although there are experiences from each of those years that I would not change in a heartbeat and would revisit anytime… but all of those experiences happened in the summer though.
So no. No more high school.
2. If a genie appeared and granted you two wishes, what would they be? (And, no saying “more wishes”.)
Two Wishes… My first thought as I was thinking about this was to go the beauty pagent route and say “World Peace” but I’m far to realistic to believe that could EVER happen so I’m going to move on to a little more self-centered things. LOL
The first wish would be something that I pray about often. To find, meet and marry the man of my dreams and have a family with him. To grow old together and share our lives.
The second wish would be for a lot of money – I’m not sure about the exact dollar amount as I would want but it would be A LOT. I would use this for buying a home, traveling the world whenever I chose to go somewhere and being able to start my own business… and not having to worry about whether it was a success or failure. I could just do what I loved.
3. What kids show do you secretly like?
Hannah Montana. Yes, I admit it. I don’t have kids, and when I see that show on Disney I’ll watch it. I even listen to her music.
4. What is your beverage of choice?
It’s an addiction for me… and it’s not the most “healthy” of options (I *know* about the aspartame argument) but Diet Coke is what I would choose for my beverage of choice at almost any function. Water is a very close 2nd.
5. What is something that you would change about yourself (or are working to change in yourself)?
I would love to be more outgoing and confident. To be able to walk up to people without the fear of me thinking that they are judging me and being able to strike up an interesting conversation with them. I think that’s why I like Twitter and the “online” world so much is because I don’t have my awkwardness hanging out in front of people.
Some of you have followed my journey for a long while… some of you are fairly new to the journey I’ve been on. By now I’m sure that you know I’ve been through a weight loss journey, one that literally changed my life, change my outlook and changed much of who I am and what I believe I can do.
But there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in my life.
My faith has been my rock. My faith has been a source of joy for me – not only because I love Jesus and want to know more about my faith, my church, and the Bible – but also because it has connected me countless friends that have supported me throughout my weight loss journey.
But I’m not perfect.
Throughout this journey I have held tight to the control. I have released some things to God, but then quickly take them back because I didn’t want something to change, I didn’t want to let go of the stronghold, I didn’t want to be seen as “weak”.
And then something happened on Tuesday.
I was watching the Gather in Spirit coordinators talk on the web about their faith and why they choose to blog about their faith. I realized that I had almost completely abandoned this part of my life on my blog in the past few months.
So many other things concerned me. Things that should not have concerned me.
Because there is so much more happening around me. Many amazing things in my faith, many cool things that I could write about. But that means I have to let go of my control. I have to let go of what I *want* to write about… and rely on God to provide me the words that He wants me to say.
There will be more about this in the coming weeks… but just know. I am surrendering and I hope you all will be blessed by the things I will be sharing in the coming days, weeks and months.
This is an amazing journey.
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Yesterday I read this article on MSNBC about how one person thought that their problems would be solved if they were skinny. As the article explained she was a “self-described ‘accomplished fat girl,’” including having a master’s degree in creative writing, a great job, a slew of friends and a loving boyfriend. “The only thing holding her back, she thought, was weight.”
“Larsen thought skinny came with a mega-boost of self confidence. And a huge dollop of happiness. She thought she’d be dynamic and brave and ready to take on the world, just because she was thin.”
Doesn’t there seem like there’s something wrong with this picture?
I guess I’m the one with 150 pounds off my body sitting here wondering why she thought all of her problems would be solved. Maybe (and this is just MY theory), it’s because she took the “easy” way out — choosing to have surgery to correct the problem rather than working hard to lose the weight through one of MANY programs out there. I chose Weight Watchers… but others have found success in other places.
Yes, after the weight loss I thought things would be easier – in SOME cases – in my life. That meeting people, guys specifically, would come more naturally. But turns out, it’s more my lack-of-outgoingness is more the issue on this one. And it’s something I fully acknowledge and am TRYING to work on.
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have so much more self-confidence. I know I can do SO much more than I was able to do when I was 300+ pounds. I have so much more fun now that I have more energy. I have so much more life in me because I believe in me. And all of these things make me happy. I’m also actively working at making my dreams come true. I’m travelling more now than what I used to. I’m trying to continually learn about things that interest me. I’m being who God made me.
Yes, there are times that I struggle with happiness, confidence and security. But don’t we all? Is there anyone, either the overweight or the so called skinny-types, that is happy 100% of the time?
If the woman featured in the article cannot find the happiness within herself or through her faith, what is the likelihood that she will turn to food once again for comfort? I hope that this is not the case, but for those of use that grew up with unresolved issues — and used food to mask them — this typically is the outcome. I know for me, it’s still the easiest thing to go back to when emotional. That’s going to take some re-learning.
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As many of you know, I bought a new-t0-me car about 10 days ago. I love, love, love my car. Driving it is fun as well… especially on the recent roadtrip to Cleveland & back last week.
SO FUN!
So I am here to announce that it is time to name my car. I’ve never really named a car before, but I really want to have a little name to this one.
Here is my little car…
And here is me with my new ride…
So I see it as a girly car… meaning it needs a “girly” name.
It’s definitely not a boy car.
Anyway — I’d love to hear your suggestions… any and all of them! I’m all about creativity & originality.
So here’s the deal…
Submit a comment with the name that you think best fits my new car. The best name you got. (One entry per person)
All comments need to be submitted by 11:59pm ET on Sunday, May 2. As a thank you for your suggestion, I am giving away a $10 gift card to Starbucks.
Yes, you read that right!
The winner of the giftcard will be chosen (via Random.org) on Monday morning (May 3, when I wake up… LOL) and will be announced here as well as on Twitter!
The name of the car will NOT be chosen by Random.org… because I’m a control freak like that. And well… the winner of the name I choose for the car will have bragging rights. That’s the best I can do.
*Open to US residents only.
For full disclosure, I have purchased this giftcard myself and in no way am affiliated with Starbucks Corp.
This has been a big award accepting week for me. First on Tuesday through the post it notes… and now today. Well it was originally going to be yesterday (and earlier today) but I figure, better late than never right?
The first award today is courtesy of Ms. Random at Ms. Random’s Ramblings. I enjoy going to her blog and tweeting with her often.
To accept this award (because I’m not cheating like I did the other day…), I need to list 10 things that make me happy and pass the award on to 10 bloggers that I adore, link and thank the person who gave the award to me and notify the new recipients of the award. Whew! Hopefully this’ll all get done tonight. Ha!
First the 10 things that make me happy (in no particular order…)
1. Holding my nephew (I should do this more)
2. Receiving flowers unexpectedly
3. Taking a nap
4. Taking a walk with a friend and catching up on life.
5. Watching Project Runway (even in re-runs… me likey Tim Gunn)
6. Twittering (some may say I do this too much… I think not.)
7. The feeling after I’ve had a good/hard workout
8. Getting groceries when I’ve planned for it.
9. Doing Dishes.
10. Driving my new car (except when I have a headache… cause that kinda bites.)
The other award that I’m linking up today is from Jennifer over at 3 Pugs and a Baby. I don’t go to her blog near enough… but mainly because *EVERYTIME* I do, I sit in awe of turtle (her son)… so cute!! Especially in this post from this past week.
Now I need to name 7 things that y’all don’t know about me. This could be tough — especially after this blog post a few weeks ago. I also need to pass it along to 7 bloggers — but you’ll see what I’m going to do in a minute with that.
So here are 7 things that you might not know — about things that I own…
1. I have owned a TIVO for 7 years now (in one version or another). I actually started researching them when they first came out — and wanted it WAY back then, but couldn’t afford it. I’m one of the lucky people that has the lifetime guarantee of service.
2. I have a Sleep Number bed – and love it. I can honestly say that when I get married, I will have to replace it with a king size version. But then y’all will want to sleep in my guest bedroom. Yes, they are THAT nice.
3. The television in my bedroom SUCKS. I don’t say this lightly. The color has been off since the day I bought it and it makes weird cracking noises in the middle of the night when I’m sleeping (other times too, but it really bugs me at night.) Yet, even with these defects – I haven’t replaced it. Did you notice that I’m dutch???
4. I have a scanner that I purchase a year (about) ago… and have used exactly twice. Not a good “dutch” move on my part there.
5. I own a blender… but never use it. I’m going to learn to make smoothies one of these days. And then actually make them.
6. I have more magazines here at my house right now than I could read in a year. Oprah, Good Housekeeping, Real Simple and Weight Watchers. I save them for the articles.
7. My favorite piece of furniture in my home is my oversized chair. I absolutely love it… but for some reason haven’t been sitting in it much recently. Must change this stat.
So now I would like to bestow BOTH of these awards to the following 10 bloggers. Yes — I am trying to maintain the highest level of efficiency here. Many – er, all – of these bloggers I have gotten to know on Twitter and love chatting with them about the randomness of life or whatever is happening in our worlds that day. I hope you all enjoy this!
So there you have it… awards week here at DUTCHbeingME is complete! Hope you all like your awards!!
Welcome to Friday! You don’t know how glad that I am that I have lived through this week… and came out on the other side of it.
Here is the 5 Question Friday from Mama M. at My Little Life.
1. What was the first car you owned?
The first car I owned was a ’84 Buick Skylar. It was “ivory” or beige. My brother called it the “BUB”… short for “butt-ugly-buick”. I didn’t think it was ugly, it was a really cute little car.
2. What song are you embarrassed to know the lyrics to?
Here’s something you may not know about me… once I hear a song a couple of times, I pretty much will know the lyrics. Or at least some of them. The only song that I worked at learning ALL the lyrics (and can still recite them on demand) is Linkin Park’s “In The End” – although I’m not very ashamed or embarrassed in most instances when asked if I know the lyrics to it.
3. Have you ever had stitches?
Goodness, YES! Ha!
The first time was when I jumped from the dock to the boat and my knee split open inexplicably. Never hit my knee on anything… the skin just split. I think I was 10-ish.
The other time was in my freshman year in college. I skipped Biology (seems ironic now huh?) and had gone to the café to get an early lunch. As I was coming back, I tripped up the flight of 3 stairs (yes, I was *that* coordinated) and hit my head on the wall I think. I had to get a number of stitches above my right eye – through my eyebrow. I don’t think you can really see the scar there anymore, but I know where it was.
4. What was your first job?
My first paying job was at Dykstra Drug Store. Anything and everything that I could have done there, I probably did.
5. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?
Of all the questions to have to think about… this is the one that’s the hardest for me! Ahhh!
I guess I’m going to have to say Big Bird because he was so friendly. Or Oscar because he had an attitude. No wait – definitely Cookie Monster, because he liked cookies. Yeah, that’s it.
This blog post may just be that. Or something I will want to forget that I can’t. I don’t know. But right now all I want to do is write. Write away the emotions that I’m feeling. I’m going to warn you – this isn’t all sunshine and happiness. Sometimes I feel like crap. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I’m just so confused about things that all I can do is wonder what my purpose is at the moment. This is one of those times.
All of my life I have always felt like I was the odd “man” out. The one that looks in from the outside where I see what is happening but I don’t get to participate because I’m a girl, I’m not the brother, I’m out of shape, I’m not cool enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m inapproachable, whatever. There’s a million reasons. There’s a million excuses.
Poor communication *really* hurt me this past weekend. I’m feeling like I’m forgettable enough to be potentially left out of something important that will be happening soon. I’m feeling like I am the one that doesn’t matter. I’m feeling like the invisible one that is like the wallflower at the prom. I’m feeling like no matter what I do or where I go – that unless I do something “newsworthy” – I’m not worth being around or talking to.
I’m sad to say that I still deal with issues in the worst way… by eating. That doesn’t help because I just feel worse about myself… and then it begins a cycle saying that I will forever be that “forgettable” wallflower that will be left out of the fun activities.
Do you ever feel forgettable? How do you deal with things that upset you?
This past week the Chic Chick Media gals held “Spring Fling” that awarded (i think) $10,000 worth of prizes to MANY MANY bloggers… and guess what?!? I was one of them! (Even if I hadn’t won, it was seriously a GREAT day and SO much fun!!!)
But yes… I’m SO stoked!!!
…trust me, when I found out I had won, it COMPLETELY turned my day around!
Hopefully soon, we’ll be seeing some changes here at DUTCHbeingME
courtesy of Mariah at Jula Studios!!
I just want to really thank all of the women involved with Chic Chick Media — go check out their sites… they are amazing — and you can be most definitely assured that if I wasn’t following all of them regularly before this (*hangs head in shame*) I will be now!
What have you won that you’ve been -beside yourself- happy about???
