Today started out a normal, uneventful day. I went to Weight Watchers for my weigh in… and apparently gained back 1/2 of what I lost about 2 weeks ago (boo!) so now I am back to tracking and watching my sale intake. To be honest, I kind of knew the gain was going to happen. After all, I did splurge more than I typically do most weekends. Planning to get a workout in Friday AM, Saturday AM… then maybe try a weigh in on Sunday noon again if things are controlled until then. Not to mention that an extra meeting might not be so bad for me too.
Work is going well… I’m very busy – which is good for an investment management office right now – or at least that’s what I think. Don’t get me wrong though… while I am busy – I apparently have had some serious ADD issues lately as I get SUPER distracted from things and then projects that have been started sit unfinished… even though I had planned to complete them weeks ago. I think this all has to do with the fact that I’m still tired (but who isn’t!) and that really I need to take a good hard look at what I’ve been eating (and how much!) during the day.
For my lunch hour, I had a plan to go pick up the book “Julie & Julia” from the library (which I did) because I saw the movie recently. Of course as I walked over there in the gorgeous sunshine and warm temperatures (finally!) I decided that I would definitely sit in the park to start reading it. As I walked to the park, something profound occurred to me. My birthday is in 3 weeks. I will be 32. Yikes.
Why this hits me so hard today… enough to make me want to cry… sob even… is beyond me (but I was at work, so of course I couldn’t be a blubbering idiot!) I have accomplished so much, and have so much to look forward to… but as I sit in the park – trying to read – all I see around me is couples. And it reminds me again that I have no significant other to wish me a happy birthday this year. No one to surprise me with a party, an improptu lunch visit, or even a card in the mail. I really don’t think I am asking for much… but I feel like I am asking for the world.
I trust that it will happen… but then my mind wanders… what if it doesn’t. What if I don’t ever have a long term relationship? What if I don’t get to have a beautiful wedding… showers, ceremony, honeymoon and all? What if I don’t have someone to travel around the corner or to far away places with? What if I don’t have someone to hug me when times are happy or sad?
What if, what if, what if.
