Do you ever feel trapped? Like there is something that you are missing?

For years, I felt trapped in my own body, knowing who I was… what I wanted to be… but couldn’t – or at least felt that I couldn’t until I lost the weight. I realize now that I shouldn’t have hid myself so much. But I did. And still to this day, even though I have an adventurous side to myself… I am not sure sometimes how to go about doing what I want to do.

Ever since losing the weight, I know that there is a greater purpose in my life… something bigger than I can imagine, I just don’t know what that is.

I feel like lately there is an adventure to be had… like there is something that I have to do, but I don’t know quite yet what it is… but an adventure of some sort. I feel like I’ve been stuck inside for a while now (figuratively in my head & literally this winter) and just don’t know how to get out. Inside my head, my thoughts keep going back to possibilities of where I could be travelling or even possibly living. As far as being outside, I’ve been dying to go for a good long walk lately.

Would it even be possible for me to drop everything in my life and say move to Europe? Especially without knowing anyone there and, outside England of course, not know the languages. Or could I just pick up my life and move to a random place in the south… Florida and Texas both sound great right now… and “start over”.

Sometimes I wonder if I really just want to escape the “who she was” that I see in myself yet while I live here in the small-ish town of Holland. I know so many people that didn’t know me “back then”, but I still carry around the feelings that everyone does remember the “old” me and that’s how they still see me. Timid, shy, and not outgoing. But part of me wonders if I have really changed.

Yes, parts of my life have changed, and I am somewhat more outgoing. But will you see me out at the bars by myself trying to pick up a guy… probably not. But then again… do I really want to be that girl?

Anyway… my life needs an adventure. Maybe it’ll be a road trip… maybe me moving to the warm climate I’ve been dreaming of for months now (ever since the first snow started to fly)… and maybe it’ll be something that will come up unexpectedly right here in my own front yard.

Off to find the adventure…